


Memories of Home

by orphan_account



Category: Spartacus Series (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-15
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-04 18:16:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1788526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Memories are precious for a reason.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Memories of Home  
> Summary: Memories are precious for a reason.  
> Characters/Pairings: Agron/Nasir  
> Rating/Warnings: R  
> Word Count: 3,433  
> Disclaimer: I DON’T own anyone or anything. I DON’T own the characters. The fanfic is written for fun, NOT for profit.

He stood on the balcony, gratefully enjoying the silence that greeted him despite the fact that the tall apartment building was located near the center of the city. From up here he had a stunning view across the skyline of Wellington, if one could actually call it a ‘skyline’. This wasn’t Auckland after all, and certainly not New York, even if it had an abundance of its own traffic noise.

But who cared for useless details like that? Ignoring the houses, his eyes focused on the distant horizon instead. The sun was about to rise, slowly painting the horizon inch by inch with pink and blue streaks until its golden light would colour the awakening city in beautiful shades of yellow, orange and red.

The view should be familiar, Agron couldn’t help but think as he braced himself on the balcony’s railing. After all, one should remember a view like this, having lived in such a place for the past couple of years.

At least, that’s what the others said. Closing his eyes for the split of a second, Agron fought against the rising anger in the pit of his chest. According to the others...that was all he could rely on at the moment, not his personal experiences. 

He couldn’t remember what exactly had erased all the memories from his mind. According to the others, it had been an accident at work, at a place he didn’t remember either. They had explained that he and his colleagues had been at the construction site; the day had seemed to be too stormy to work in the first place, yet their boss had demanded that they meet their deadlines anyway. Eventually, it had resulted in a two story free-fall onto hard concrete. In fact, so his doctors had said, he should be grateful he hadn’t suffered more than a few broken ribs and a few weeks of being locked away in the darkness of unconsciousness. He had been lucky.

Easy for them to say, Agron thought with a snort of derision, frowning in frustration. How could he possibly be pleased and grateful if he had entirely forgotten everything that made up who he was? He doubted they could imagine what it was like to wake up, not knowing one’s name, or anything else that mattered. Including loved ones.

Memories would eventually come back, so the doctors had promised, but their assuring smiles hadn’t been able to cover their lies. He could see it in their eyes: there was a chance of a permanent memory loss. Agron didn’t know whether or not he should be grateful for their hesitation at throwing that right into his face.

The sun had appeared completely by now, hovering above the wavy line of the horizon like a round fireball. Beauty of the moment didn’t find its way into his heart as he felt the all too familiar insecurity rising, slowly spreading into every inch of his body. It came with an almost paralysing fear. He was fine, injuries had healed perfectly well. But broken bones were nothing compared to the strange kind of darkness he found himself in now.

Who was he? Agron, yes. Construction worker. Those co-workers that had been at the construction site with him were his best friends. He had a younger brother and was in a serious relationship. All of those people were grateful to see him up and seemingly fine again, simply relieved that he hadn’t been hurt even worse. Meanwhile, all of those loved ones were strangers to him. He didn’t know how he had met them, which memories he shared with them. He didn’t even know what kind of a guy he was himself. A nice, friendly one, or an asshole?

Closing his eyes once more, he shook his head, trying to stop the train of thoughts that picked up speed with every passing second. A week ago, he had left the hospital. Not a single memory had returned to him since then. Repeating the same questions in his head wouldn’t change that. He had to live with what he had now, had to try and make new memories.

New memories. He snorted. As if it was going to be that easy. He hadn’t missed the hurt in the eyes of the others, realising he had no idea who they were, what they had once meant to him. How was he supposed to deal with that in the long run?

“You’re up early.”

His thoughts were forcefully dragged back to the present by the voice behind him. For a brief moment, Agron tensed. He hadn’t heard Nasir approaching, which was only partly due to the fact that the man could move as quiet and smoothly as a cat. Facing him hurt the most. His boyfriend, the one he shared this apartment with. He knew the man was familiar: something deep within Agron recognized him. Still, he didn’t remember anything, had forgotten all those moments that mattered so much. He could only imagine what it was like if one had turned into stranger for a loved person. Guilt struck him at times, even though he knew he hadn’t forgotten willingly.

“Didn’t really sleep that well,” he stated, slowly turning around to face Nasir. Agron wasn’t surprised that somewhere in the past, the man had caught his attention: he was beautiful. Long, dark hair fell onto his shoulders and back like a silky curtain. Dark brown eyes gazed up at him. The lack of a shirt and pants that rode low on his hips revealed a well-trained body and smooth olive skin. He belonged to this man: a thought that pained him even more.

Nasir frowned. “Maybe we should talk to the doctor again.”

The concern in his eyes, so sincere and openly displayed, only added to Agron’s guilt. “Nah, no need for that.” He sighed. “How can you still talk to me? Be all nice like that?”

Nasir raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Why shouldn’t I?”

Another, deeper sigh left Agron’s lips. “‘Cause...you’ve spent weeks worried because of me. Then I finally wake up and don’t even remember you.”

“It’s not your fault.” Closing the last bit of distance between them, Nasir joined him at the railing. Taking a deep breath of fresh air, he gazed ahead. Agron used the chance to study him for a moment. The man by his side looked thoughtful, a little tired, too, but there wasn’t the expected disappointment and pain visible in his eyes. He looked almost confident.

“Doesn’t change it’s kinda...unfair, you know,” he said.

Nasir frowned again. Seeking eye contact, he asked, “If you changed your mind about our idea…, if you need some distance, just say a word.”

Agron needed a couple of seconds until he understood what his partner was referring to. When he had left the hospital a week ago, they had agreed that nothing much would change. They would still share apartment and bed, even though going back to having a normal relationship again as well wasn’t an option yet.

“Oh. No, no.” He shook his head. “No second thoughts. I just…” He groaned, frustrated at his inability to find the right words. “I’m sorry, I just feel like I’ve failed, in some way.”

“What?” In utter disbelief, Nasir turned to face him entirely. “You didn’t fail at all. Why would you even think that? How is this your fault in any way? Agron, you will get your memories back eventually.”

“Yeah, sure.” He snorted, shaking his head. “That’s what they keep saying, huh?”

“I believe it.”

They had had this conversation so many times during the past weeks, yet Nasir’s determination never failed to amaze Agron. “How can you be so sure?” he asked quietly.

Nasir shrugged. “I just know it. I don’t know why, and I don’t care. I believe you’ll remember. I know you’ll come back to me. You promised, after all.”

“I did?” Agron gave him a surprised look.

Looking slightly uncomfortable, Nasir nodded. “Yeah, you did. In some way.” Once again, he stared at the view in front of them. The sun was rising higher, Wellington was slowly awakening from night’s deep slumber. “Just have faith. You’ll see.” Clearing his throat, he straightened himself, unmistakably signalling he wasn’t ready or willing to continue this discussion any longer. “Now, how does breakfast sound? I have to leave a little early today, and as you’re up already, we could eat together.”

“Sounds good.” Agron followed him inside again, catching himself as he gave the other man’s back a lookover. “You’re leaving early ‘cause you got work to do?”

“Yeah,” Nasir answered from the kitchen, already multitasking with picking bowls and mugs for them. “I have to take some photos by the cliffs at a beach.”

“For a new project?” Feeling a little lost and useless in the kitchen at the sight of the fast moving man, Agron settled for the kitchen counter eventually. He knew that Nasir was a photographer, but of course didn’t remember if there was any bigger project he was working on.

“It’s for a big picture book, featuring the surrounding area,” Nasir answered without looking up. Hit by a sudden idea, he stopped mid-movement then and added, “If you don’t have anything better to do, you could join me. It’s quite a nice area.”

Various questions were spinning in Agron’s mind as he considered the offer. He wanted to know if he had joined Nasir before, if they had visited the mentioned place, but too many questions eventually would result in too many answers, and there was already enough to get used to at the moment. 

So he nodded, earning a bright smile in response. It was a smile he could get used to, Agron thought, shaking his head at himself in amusement. No longer frustrated, he took the bowl of cereals that was offered to him, wondering if there was at least a little chance that Nasir might be right. Maybe, just maybe, there was a true chance of becoming his old self again. After all, he seemed to have promised it.

~~~~

Nasir hadn’t promised too much. The location he had chosen was a nice one indeed, offering a stunning view no matter which direction one looked. Agron didn’t spend much time with taking in his surroundings though, as his interest was caught once more by the man by his side.

With curiosity, he watched as Nasir minded his job. He seemed able to blend out everything else as he frowned in concentration and took one picture after the other. Once again, Agron felt how a bunch of new questions pushed their way into his mind. Had he joined in on photoshoots before, for example? He felt a strong urge to see some of his works, to ask which kinds of projects he preferred.

Eventually, Agron settled for sitting in the high grass near the edge of the cliff, allowing the photographer to keep on working without disturbance. The longer he watched him, the more questions caused his mind to spin. So far, he hadn’t found a way to decimate them. 

There was so much he wanted to know. Having forgotten one’s entire life was a scary nightmare, making him feel unbearably out of place. Everyone knew him, shared memories with him: memories that were far out of his reach. Whenever he tried to look further into the past than the last couple of weeks, all he was greeted by was a sickening darkness. He was a stranger in a world that was supposed to be familiar.

Although it was, in an odd way. Agron knew that his memories were hidden somewhere in the depth of his dark, seemingly empty mind. After all, how was one supposed to explain certain thoughts and feelings? Especially when it came to Nasir, he knew there was nothing more but an invisible wall preventing him from remembering their past years together. The man felt familiar, like home in some ways. If only he knew how to tear that damn wall down.

He took a deep breath to calm himself down again. Doctors had told him to try and focus if thoughts threatened to overwhelm him. Another easily given advice that was difficult to follow. He was a person completely out of balance. Controlling his confused mind certainly wasn’t done within the blink of an eye.

Before he could move further down this road though, he was interrupted by the presence of Nasir. Quietly as always, the man sank into the grass by his side. With the camera securely stored in the large bag he had brought with him, he closed his eyes for a moment, tilted his head back and allowed sun and wind to caress his dark skin. Once more, Agron caught himself as he stared at him, instinctively taking in his features, every little detail. Firmly ignoring the itching in his fingers, caused by the urge to reach out and touch, run them across smooth skin, he forced himself to look away again.

“So...you’re done for today?” Agron asked, eventually breaking what was in fact an enjoyable silence. Too unaware of his own self though, he didn’t want to risk getting too comfortable for now.

“Yeah.” Nasir opened his eyes again, didn’t look up though. Instead, his attention stayed glued to the view in front of him. It took Agron a moment to realise that something had changed in the other man’s expression. A frown had fallen upon his delicate features again, along with what looked like worry in his eyes.

“Are you okay?” he wanted to know.

“Yeah, sure.” Offering a quick smile, failing miserably at being convincing, Nasir returned to staring ahead.

Agron sighed, rolling his eyes in response. “Fine. I might not remember if you’ve been successful with this ‘it’s nothing’ shit in the past, but it’s definitely not working now. So...come again?”

Gazing back at him finally, Nasir narrowed his eyes. “I’m fine, trust me. Besides, it’s not your job to worry ‘cause of me. You’re the one with the memory loss.”

Agron snorted in response. “Oh, so that makes me your fucking patient, yeah? Have you always been so stubborn?”

“Says the right one.” For the split of a second, Nasir smirked. Then shadows fell upon usually beautiful brown eyes again. He shook his head. “It’s okay, really. It’s stupid, and nothing that should concern you. Just ignore me.”

“That’s kinda hard, you know,” Agron stated, biting his bottom lip in realisation that this was due to various reasons. “Anyways, I might be the poor amnesiac guy who has no idea who he is, but that doesn’t mean my ears don’t work anymore. Tell me what’s the matter. That frown of yours isn’t exactly causing a good mood.”

He received a glare in response. Once again, he couldn’t suppress a sigh as Nasir turned back to the ocean in front of them. Before he could complain though, he spoke up.

“It’s silly, I know that myself,” he said. “But this whole situation is quite difficult for me as well.”

“Nah, really?” Agron couldn’t help but retort.

Ignoring his comment, Nasir continued, “I stayed by your side at the hospital until they kicked me out. You can’t imagine the relief I felt when you woke up. Then how it seemed like my heart was ripped out a beat later when you didn’t recognize me. Ever since then...it’s a constant up and down, and it makes me think…” His voice trailed off. “Nevermind.”

“Nevermind?” Agron’s eyes widened in disbelief. “You gotta be kidding me!” He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, more with himself than with Nasir, as he saw how the other man tensed. “Sorry, I just...I know it’s hard for you. Hell, I keep saying that, right? And every time, you just tell me to shut up and that you have faith. That it’ll all turn out just fine. Why are you trying to fool yourself like that?”

“I’m not.” Nasir shrugged. “I do believe it’ll all be good again. That your memories come back. I know they will. But…” He hesitated again, visibly struggling to get the words out. This time, Agron chose to stay quiet, knowing that his comments weren’t much help either. He had to wait for a while, but eventually, Nasir’s eyes met his again.

“I’m wondering what’ll happen in case you...don’t get them back soon enough.” He groaned. “It’s idiotic, probably even selfish, but I can’t stop worrying you might fall for someone else. I mean, you know we were together before you lost your memories. But neither do you remember me nor the feelings you had for me. It’s like...all this between us never happened from your point of view. So what’s stopping you from developing feelings for someone else? It’s totally your choice and right to do that of course, and I’d...never get into your way. All I want is for you to be happy. But…” He took a deep breath and released it again. “But I can’t deny it’s something that worries me.”

Nasir broke eye contact again, and Agron didn’t stop him. Too surprised by the unexpected reveal, he stared back at the man by his side, wondering how this idea hadn’t come to his own mind yet. From Nasir’s point of view, there was a good chance that he was a whole new man now. If he chose so, he could simply use this memory loss as a fresh start, leave behind what he couldn’t remember in the first place. The pain in the man’s eyes revealed he had mentally played this situation through on several occasions. The pain within himself though answered all open questions with unexpected clarity.

“It’s nothing you should worry about,” he said after a seemingly eternity of silence.

Nasir sighed. “You don’t have to say that. You’re not to blame if…”

“I’m not saying this to calm you down,” Agron interrupted. “It’s probably hard to understand for someone who’s not in my shoes, but...I haven’t been reset, you know? I’m not a blank, new person. I’m still the one I was before that stupid accident, there’s just some kind of blockade that stops me from remembering stuff. That stuff is still somewhere in there though.” He tripped against his forehead. “You wanna know how I can be so sure? ‘Cause even though I didn’t recognize you, I knew right from the start that there’s something between us. Some kind of connection. I’m not just saying that, little man.” He paused as he caught Nasir’s surprised look. “What?”

“Nothing.” Nasir’s cheeks flushed softly. “It’s just been a while since you called me that for the last time. Little man. You teased me with that nickname in the beginning, ‘cause I hated it.”

“Can’t really blame you.” Agron smiled back at him. “Anyways, what I’m trying to say...I might not have the memories, but I do know I’ve loved you. Very much, obviously. When I’m around you...it feels so natural and normal. Kinda like being home, you know? Everything’s confusing at the moment, but it always seems like you’re keeping me grounded somehow. Like you’re some kind of rock I can hold on to. I know I belong by your side. That’s not gonna change, ‘cause I fairly doubt out there’s another person who can make me feel that way.” With a crooked smile, he added, “Now don’t send me back to the doctors ‘cause you think I’m about to freak out. I’m being honest.”

“I know you are.” Nasir returned his smile, blinking to get rid of rising tears, without much success though. “Can’t deny it’s quite impressive though. That you feel that way about me.”

Agron shrugged, starting to feel heat rising in his own cheeks. “Well, seems there’s some stuff even amnesia can’t fully erase.” His smile softened as he saw his words had gotten through to the man by his side. “I noticed there are no photos at home. At least none of me. You hid them?”

Nasir nodded, looking slightly uncomfortable. “Yeah. I thought they might just confuse you even more.”

“Or help me to see what kind of a guy I was,” Agron said. “You’ll show them to me when we get back home?”

“If you like.”

Another glance was exchange, and this time their eyes lingered for a little longer. Lost memories were trying to keep them apart, but in this particular moment, both felt that there was something else, keeping them tied to each other.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Memories of Home  
> Summary: Memories are precious for a reason.  
> Characters/Pairings: Agron/Nasir  
> Rating/Warnings: NC-17  
> Word Count: 2,298  
> Disclaimer: I DON’T own anyone or anything. I DON’T own the characters. The fanfic is written for fun, NOT for profit.

Photos were scattered on the coffee table, couch and every other available surface in their reach, floor included. Agron had soon figured out that Nasir used to print all photos he took: storing them on a computer and skipping through them in a program had no heart in his opinion. One had to pick up a photo, see brilliant colours on shiny paper. Much to Agron’s amusement, Nasir had blushed in embarrassment as he had realised he had been rambling.

None of the photos brought back any memories, yet did they have an impressive effect. Seeing himself in print, together with his friends, family and partner was a fascinating experience. All those moments had to be stored somewhere in his mind, hopefully waiting to be unleashed as soon as possible. Looking at the photos brought back a longing and pain that made him crave for being his old self again.

“Looks like we were happy,” Agron couldn’t help but say as he studied a bunch of pictures, placed on the table in front of him. He picked one of them up, giving it a closer look. The two of them had been a beautiful couple obviously. Even he, lost memories and confusion considered, could see the enormous love uniting the couple before him.

“Yeah, we...were,” Nasir answered, the tone in his voice catching Agron’s attention. The man by his side was peeking over his arm to see what he was looking at. The expression in his eyes caused a rush of guilt that almost made him gasp.

“I’m sorry,” he said instinctively. At the confused look he received in return, he added. “I mean...I wish this hadn’t happened. It’s hard for me, yeah. Seeing all this, knowing this is me, but remembering none of it. But you…”

“It’s not your fault,” Nasir interrupted him. In surprise, Agron watched how his expression changed immediately. It seemed like he physically pushed the pain aside, stored it in some deep, dark corner of his mind and offered a supportive, hopeful look instead. This reaction only increased his guilt.

“You don’t have to try and be all ‘hey, we can do this, everything’s gonna be great’,” he said. “That’s not gonna change the facts, right?”

“Yeah, but…” Nasir sighed. “See...I’ve gone through quite some rough times myself, but you were there for me all the time. I knew I could lean on you, no matter what. It’s about time I give you something back for that.”

Agron couldn’t help the warm smile that lit his face. The feelings rising in the depth of his chest didn’t fail to amaze him. Although with all memories lost, he felt an affection for the man by his side that was nothing short of stunning. Looking at those photos made him understand what the couple had been feeling, what he had been feeling, even if the moments themselves were missing. He didn’t know whether this was some kind of selective amnesia, or if their relationship and love was simply so deep that even a memory loss couldn’t change that.

“You don’t have to give me anything back, for anything I ever did. This is hard for the both of us, so don’t worry,” he said softly. Pausing for a moment, he added, “What exactly did I help you with?”

Nasir’s eyes widened, and for a moment, Agron couldn’t help the feeling that the man cursed himself for having revealed too much.

“You know, I don’t wanna only hear about the good stuff, okay?” he added. “Duro said we had a rough time growing up in orphanage, which is where I met the others. If I’m not mistaken, you weren’t so pleased when he told me about that either. You can’t only mention the good times though. It’s all part of me, isn’t it?”

Nasir shrugged. “Yeah, but we shouldn’t dump all that crap on you right at the beginning. One step after the other, remember?”

Agron couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “It’s sweet, man, how you’re trying to protect me and all, but I guess I can decide quite well what’s good for me and what’s not. What’s that smirk about now?”

“Nothing.” He shrugged again. “Some things just never change, huh? Like your damn stubbornness.”

“Seems like we got that one in common.” He grinned. “So? What is that big mystery I helped you with that makes you feel guilty whenever you show emotions around me?”

Nasir offered a mild glare in response, but didn’t fight back this time. Instead, he stared ahead, absentmindedly running his fingers through the bunch of photos on the table. With a deep sigh, he straightened himself then and began.

“When I met you and the guys, I was still in a relationship,” he said. “Let’s say...it wasn’t a good one.”

Agron nodded. “Meaning?”

Nasir tensed. Agron felt the urge to say he didn’t have to continue if he didn’t want to, but couldn’t help the feeling that if he was in the same situation, he would be told to keep talking as well. Shaking his head, the man continued, “Means he treated me like a slave. Beat me up, first when he was drunk, later whenever he felt like it. Trapped me at home. Tied me to the bed, the couch, or wherever else he wanted to keep me. Raped me. Stuff like that.”

Agron could feel his own muscles tense at the words. He could feel something in the back of his mind agreeing with the story. The images, linked to it, were still hidden, but that didn’t count for the feelings. Burning hot rage rushed through him. He had to clench his hands into fists to prevent it from coming out.

“How did you get away from him?” he forced himself to ask.

Nasir offered a weak smile. “That was thanks to you guys. It was you who realised something was off. After all, he did let me out at times. I had to earn money after all. It was part of a job when I met you guys, and we got along quite well. You saw that something was off, and...I trusted you enough to spill the beans somewhere along the line. You and your friends helped me to get away from him, threatened him that if he ever dared to come looking for me, he’d pay.”

Agron raised his eyebrows in surprise. “He wasn’t arrested for what he’s done to you?”

Nasir seemed to shrink by his side. “I refused to go to the police,” he said quietly. “You assured me they’d believe the story. All of you did. But…” He shrugged again: a helpless gesture. “Anyways, you were there to help me through this all the time. It was you who talked me into seeing a therapist because of this. You even went to the appointments with me ‘cause I didn’t wanna go.” Another weak smile lit his face. “See? Without your help, I’d probably still be with that guy. Or who knows where I’d be. You helped me to deal with this nightmare. Least I could do now is trying to help you with this.”

Taken aback by the story, Agron needed a moment to respond. He hadn’t been prepared for such a story, and certainly could understand why the man had tried to hide it from him. His heart clenched at the thought of the nightmare Nasir had gone through, and for once, he was glad he didn’t remember the details. Then, another thought pushed its way into his mind.

“There’s absolutely nothing you have to do,” he assured him. “You’re already doing more than you realise. Told you so earlier, didn’t I?”

Nasir nodded. Only now, Agron spotted the tears that were fogging the other man’s view. As he realised the tears had been noticed, he wiped them away furiously. “Sorry, it’s just.” He sighed in frustration. “During the last few weeks...I missed you.”

“Well, I’m right here.” Before he knew what he was doing, Agron reached out, gently brushing the curtain of dark hair out of Nasir’s face. For a moment, he allowed his hand to linger, to enjoy the silky sensation against his skin. Nasir looked up at the loving gesture, their eyes locking for a moment. Agron felt a lump in his throat which had nothing to do with discomfort. Once again, he was stunned by the tension that lingered between them, so thick that it seemed almost touchable.

The sound of a key in the keyhole broke the almost magical moment. Startled back to the present, Nasir backed away, got off the couch. “I...think I should pick these up,” he said, wildly gesturing at the scattered photos. Still too trapped in the moment to speak, Agron nodded. In confusion, he turned towards the hallway then, greeted by the sight of his broadly smiling brother.

“Wow, one of the photo albums exploded in here?” He grinned. “Best way to restore the memories, eh?”

Getting up as well to help a still flustered Nasir, Agron rolled his eyes. “Are you always that annoying?”

“Me? Annoying? Nah, what are you thinking, Bruder?” Duro’s grin managed to widen even more. “Need a helping hand?”

“It’s okay,” Nasir stated, gathering an armful of photos. With a nod towards the bedroom, he added, “I’ll just...get them back in there.”

With those words, he all but fled out of the living room. Agron stared after him, still trying to understand what had just happened. He couldn’t help but mentally curse his brother for interrupting, wondering what would have happened if they hadn’t been disturbed.

“I didn’t just ruin a moment or something, did I?” Duro asked then. “‘Cause even though it’s always totally unintentional, I seem to have a gift for that.” He shuddered. “You’d believe I learnt my lesson after walking in on you who knows how often already.”

“Was I the idiot who gave you the key?” Agron wanted to know.

Duro sighed playfully. “Yeah, because my silly, overprotective brother wants to make sure I always got a place to go to. Kinda like a second home. Well, that’s an open invitation, man. Can’t blame me if I walk in on you then. Although…” He shuddered again. “I saw things I won’t ever be able to erase from mind.” His eyes widened. “I mean...sorry. Got a talent for saying crap, too. Talk first, think then, you know.”

Agron couldn’t help but chuckle. “At least one of us remembers that stuff, huh?” While he wished his ‘moment’ with Nasir had continued, if only to see how far they would have possibly gone, he had to admit he was grateful for Duro’s visit as well. His younger brother definitely knew how to lift spirits.

“So,” said brother sighed then, letting himself fall onto the living room couch. “How are things going? No memories back yet?”

“Not even those you wanna forget,” Agron answered with a wink.

Duro grinned. “That’s it, Bruder. Get back that humour of yours.” His face turned serious then: a sharp contrast to his earlier expression. “Seriously though...how are you doing?”

Agron considered the question for a moment. “Okay I guess. Although…” He paused. “Nasir’s feeling guilty because the whole situation is affecting him as well while he thinks he owes me support. You know, because of what we did for him...back then.”

Duro nodded slowly. “So he told you about that?” He sighed again. “Poor guy. He always looked like he was okay after we helped him to get rid of that bastard. Guess it was only you who got to see the real man behind the mask.”

“Makes sense,” Agron stated. “I don’t want him to believe he owes me though. Of course it’s hard for him as well. He can’t be happy and reassuring all the fucking time.”

“Yeah, but such feelings come with loving someone so deeply.” Duro shrugged. “You’ll get used to it though. You always do.”

“I can imagine.” Once again, his eyes darted back to the bedroom door. It was a challenge, but even without his memories, he knew that they would be able to handle it.

“So,” Duro said then. “Anything I can do for you? I mean, it’s quite obvious what our relationship is like. I’ve always been the kickass one. You’re admiring me, but I cannot blame you for looking up to that awesome brother of yours.”

“Seriously?” Agron gave him a disbelieving look. “I might not remember all the times I saved your ass, but just listening to you is enough for me to know what kind of relationship we have.”

Duro sighed dramatically. “By the gods, can’t I take advantage of that stupid memory loss at all?” With a wink, he added, “See, you and Nasir gotta see it from a different point of view. You can fall for each other all over again.”

“Yeah, great.” He rolled his eyes at his younger brother again. 

As if having waited for the perfect timing, Nasir returned then. He seemed to be back in control over his emotions as he smiled and said, “I guess you came around for lunch, Duro?” With a playfully lowered voice, he added, “Your little brother hates to cook, and as you refuse to stop being some kind of father figure for him, he comes over whenever he finds time. Like a little boy.”

Duro snorted. “I wonder who’s little here.”

Both men exchanged a playful glare before Agron received a wink from Nasir. Once again, their eyes locked and for a brief moment, the tension returned. It sparked an excitement that would demand attention soon. But for now, he was just glad to be among those he seemed to love so much obviously.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Memories of Home  
> Summary: Memories are precious for a reason.  
> Characters/Pairings: Agron/Nasir  
> Rating/Warnings: NC-17  
> Word Count: 2,544  
> Disclaimer: I DON’T own anyone or anything. I DON’T own the characters. The fanfic is written for fun, NOT for profit.

Agron couldn’t deny that while being around Nasir and even Duro felt familiar and in some ways like coming home, meeting their other friends was a different story. His brother had called an hour ago, informing them that Spartacus had spontaneously decided to arrange a get-together at his and his girlfriend’s apartment.

The urge to decline the offer and stay at home had been strong, but Agron knew this meeting was organised for him. Saying ‘no’ wouldn’t be polite. Apart from that, he knew he couldn’t hide at home forever.

The world was a confusing place for him at the moment, and he felt like leaving the safety of home would only mess with his struggling mind all the more.

He wasn’t alone though, he kept reminding himself. One step after the other. Maybe the more people, the easier he could remember.

“Are you okay?”

Nasir’s warm voice pushed its way through his train of thoughts. A gentle hand came to rest on his arm. It was a simple gesture, yet enough to ground him immediately.

“We don’t have to stay long,” Nasir continued. “But I think being around your friends again will be a good thing. I know there’s a lot going on around you, all the information and stuff. Not that I can talk from own experience, but I’m sure it’s gonna get easier with the time.” He smiled, a little helpless but tried his best to appear reassuring.

“Well, if the others are anything like Duro, all I’ll have to deal with this evening are weird jokes and suggestive comments,” Agron stated.

Nasir laughed. “Chances are high you might be right.”

By the time they arrived at Spartacus’s apartment and were welcomed by their friends, Agron’s nervousness started to fade again. Those people didn’t give him the pity looks he had been afraid of. With Nasir and his reassuring glances and Duro with his teasing comments by his side, he managed to handle the first hour without any further problems or wishes to turn on his heels and run back home.

He should have expected the mood wouldn’t stay that light though. The small group tried their best to keep a relaxed atmosphere, but eventually, that wasn’t enough. It couldn’t erase the fact that Agron felt like a misplaced toy, simply not fitting in anymore. After another half an hour, he found the courage to excuse himself and headed for the balcony, in desperate need of being on his own for a bit.

A sharp, cool breeze greeted him, creeping under his shirt. He barely noticed the way he shivered at the sensation, barely could see the beauty of the stunning view in front of him. Too busy was his mind with realisation that while those people loved him, he didn’t fit in anymore either.

There were Spartacus and his girlfriend Mira: a lovely couple that cared deeply for each other. Their affection was only topped by Crixus and his wife Naevia: the seemingly grumpy man lit up like the sun when he laid eyes upon his beloved. Gannicus, single but never really alone, was on constant hunt for yet another bottle of wine, while Duro was just...Duro.

The only one whom he seemed to have a true connection to was Nasir, sitting by his side, throwing occasional glances towards him that didn’t even try to hide his concern. The feeling was reasonable. Agron didn’t remember any of those stories that were shared with him, didn’t feel like he had truly grown up with those men in orphanage. All those moments could have easily happened to a stranger, but certainly not to him.

A deep sigh left his lips as the discomfort settled further within him. If he kept on hiding, chances that something would spark his memories’ return weren’t good. Dealing with the pain that came with facing people he couldn’t remember didn’t exactly increase his determination either though.

Shaking his head, he squeezed his eyes shut. The last two days had been so good. Now it seemed like he was pushed right back into the insecurity which he had dealt with before. Up and down, back and forth. Would it always be like that? Would he keep on making progresses, just to return to the starting point again?

Agron tensed as he realised he wasn’t alone anymore. The tension didn’t stay for more than a matter of seconds though as he identified the person’s presence without having to see them. He could almost physically feel how Nasir approached, stepped by his side. They stood in silence for a while, staring ahead, with a surprising lack of awkwardness lingering between them. Obviously one didn’t need to talk all the time to prevent things from becoming weird.

“Do you wanna go home?” Nasir asked eventually. “We’ve stayed for almost two hours. I could come up with an excuse.”

Agron shrugged. “Maybe, but will it just continue like that? Will I spend time with people I’m supposed to know, having fun for a bit until I feel this urge to run away ‘cause I feel like I don’t fit in anymore?” He sighed again. “All those stories, those jokes...they mean nothing to me. Nothing feels familiar. It’s like...I’m some weird stranger, accepted in their midst because they feel sorry for me. But in fact I don’t belong here.”

Looking up, he found Nasir nodding in understanding. Momentarily caught by the warmth in the other man’s eyes, he was startled back to the present as gentle yet surprisingly strong fingers closed around his hand, resting on the railing of the balcony.

“Like I said,” Nasir answered, “it takes time. I know you hate listening to what the doctors are saying...”

“Well, it’s their job to keep their patients reassured, right?”

Nasir shrugged. “Maybe, but not everything that’s said to you is crap. It does take time. No one can blame you for wanting to remember right now You wanna be part of that old world again. But it’s not that simple. Putting pressure on yourself won’t work. You gotta accept things the way they are now.”

“Meaning?”

“Means you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself,” Nasir explained, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “Be honest to the others. They do make you feel uncomfortable at the moment. So what? Tell them. They’ll accept it. You’ll get used to them with the time. It’s you who’s suffering amnesia, not them. Hate it as much as you like, but it’s our job to take care of you, not the other way around.”

Agron nodded slowly. “So if I wanted to go home now...that’d be okay?”

“Of course.” Nasir offered another smile. “It’s something you taught me, you know? To stop ignoring my own wishes in favour of others. If this is too much for you at the moment, so be it. Real friends won’t turn their back on you. Trust me. I know what I’m talking about.” He hesitated for a moment, visibly fighting with himself before he added, “You were very patient with me, too. Never pushed me into anything I wasn’t comfortable with. You should have the same patience with yourself.”

Agron nodded again. Thoughtfully, he studied the man by his side. He had done it again: grounded him, helped him to focus. “Fine,” he said then. “Let’s go home. Guess I’m getting tired.”

“Good excuse.” Nasir winked at him. He kept on holding Agron’s hand, even as they returned inside, and he couldn’t deny he was grateful for that.

~~~~

Agron didn’t know what exactly had woken him up. Darkness surrounded him as he opened his eyes and for a brief moment, he felt panic rising. Forcing himself to stay still, he took deep breaths, in and out, trying to refocus.

He was not in coma anymore. This room wasn’t strange. He knew the smell. The sheets below his exploring hands felt familiar, too: soft and silky, white from what he could remember. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he could also make out schemes of furniture. The window was to his right, the door to his left.

A relieved sigh escaped his lips as he felt the panic ease again. He continued taking slow, deep breaths until he was sure he had calmed down enough to move again. Instinctively, he rolled over, just to raise his eyebrows in surprise as he realised the other half of the bed was empty.

Sharing a bed with Nasir had never been awkward, even right after he had returned home. All the more confused he was to find the other man having disappeared. Slowly, he sat up, but before he could wonder where he might have gone, the sound of something shattering on the floor startled him.

Following an instinct he didn’t bother to question, Agron jumped out of bed with one swift movement. Now fully remembering his surroundings, he found his way into the dimly lit living room with impressive ease. On the ground, he found the broken object in question, right next to the counter that separated living room and kitchen. Next to what he identified as a broken mug, he found the missing man.

“Nasir?” Agron asked quietly, slowly making his way over to the cowering person. Sitting on the floor, the black-haired man tried to pick up the broken mug, his hands shaking so much that he could barely control his fingers enough to grab even the bigger pieces. His chest clenched at the sight, sparking something in the back of his mind. No images came with the feeling, but still he knew what had happened.

“Hey,” he said softly, lowering himself to the floor as well. Nasir didn’t look up. With wide eyes, he stared at the mug instead. His breath was coming out in spurts, like he was panting, or lacking much needed air. “What happened?”

“I…” Nasir’s voice shook almost as violently as his body. With a wild expression, he looked up eventually. “Sorry, I...didn’t mean to…didn’t want to wake you up. I just...I wanted…” Words failed him as he stared back at the broken mug, seemingly unable to understand what was happening either. His entire body jerked as Agron reached out, placing a hand on the other man’s shoulder.

“It’s just me,” he whispered. “I’m not gonna hurt you.” Carefully, he inched closer. “Did you have a nightmare?”

Once again, Nasir looked up. This time, he didn’t give a vocal answer, but he didn’t have to. The look of utter fear in his eyes, along with the tears that had started to rise, said more than words. It was a sight that caused an almost overwhelming rage deep within him: a feeling so old that he was sure he had experienced it various times before. But even stronger was the urge to protect the man by his side, looking even smaller than usual. He wasn’t weak or helpless by any means, but so frightened that Agron worried he would storm out of the apartment and disappear into the night if he didn’t do anything.

“Come on, let’s not care for the mug,” he decided to say. “It’ll still be here in the morning and won’t cause any harm in here. Better than cutting hands, right? Let’s get you back to bed.”

Nasir’s eyes widened. “No!” he exclaimed, his voice echoing from the living room walls. “I can’t...I don’t want…”

His voice trailed off into a sob and before Agron could think about a reply, the shorter man threw himself into his arms. Desperate hands grabbed the front of his shirt, holding on for dear life. He shook so much that Agron barely managed to get a hold of him. Eventually, he wrapped his arms around the smaller frame, pressing Nasir against his chest as tightly as he could.

“What fucking shit scared you like that?” he whispered to himself. They stayed on the floor for a while, clinging to each other, until Agron could feel the man in his arms slowly calming down again. By the time he was no longer shivering and his grip on the now tear-stained shirt loosened, Agron gently pulled him back enough to lock eyes with Nasir.

“Don’t you think we should go back to bed now?” he wanted to know.

Nasir’s cheeks had reddened softly in rising embarrassment. Rubbing his eyes to get rid of the remaining evidence of tears, he answered, “I won’t be able to sleep anyway. You could though...I mean, I didn’t want to wake you up…”

Agron interrupted him with a sigh. “Nasir, I’m here, okay? Right here, with you. Just ‘cause I don’t remember anything doesn’t mean that…” He paused for a moment as he realised what he was about to say. His own eyes widened this time as realisation hit him, so forcefully it made him speechless for a moment.

“What?”

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. “Just ‘cause I don’t remember anything doesn’t mean anything between us has changed,” he admitted. “I fairly doubt I left you on your own when you had one of those shitty nightmares, so I fucking won’t do that now. I’m here, and I’m gonna take care of you. You wake me up? So who the fuck cares? Being there for each other is what boyfriends do, I’d say.”

“But…” Nasir gave him a confused look. “I didn’t think we were still…”

“Together?” Agron completed for him. “When exactly did we break up?” Leaning in, he placed a loving kiss against the man’s forehead. It was yet another gesture that was born by an instinct, so much part of himself that he was even more convinced by his own words. “One step after the other, yeah, but I’m still your boyfriend. I’m aware of that more than ever. So allow me to help you, okay?”

According to Nasir’s expression, he was the one who had fallen speechless now. Agron used the chance and lifted him up into his arms. “Back to bed it’s now. For the both of us.”

Exhausted by his earlier breakdown, Nasir didn’t argue. Instead, he rested his head against his partner’s shoulders, eyes fluttering shut for a moment. His cheeks were still reddened and he hadn’t missed the disbelieving glance that had been directed at him just a second ago. Agron didn’t care though. He would stick to his words, no matter what the morning would bring. The connection had been there right from the start. They had never broken up. Why would they pretend to be anything less than a couple? Everything else would come with the time.

A few minutes later, both men had settled down in bed again. With the other man’s back to his chest, Agron wrapped his arms around Nasir once again, holding him in a tight, protective embrace.

“You try to sleep now,” he whispered. “Wake me up next time nightmares bother you, so I can chase them away.”

Nasir nodded. He didn’t say anything, but in a silent gesture of gratitude placed his hand on top of his boyfriend’s. Agron, satisfied with the way the situation had turned out, wrapped them tightly into their blanket. Another few moments later, both had drifted off into a welcome slumber again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Memories of Home  
> Summary: Memories are precious for a reason.  
> Characters/Pairings: Agron/Nasir  
> Rating/Warnings: NC-17  
> Word Count: 2,190  
> Disclaimer: I DON’T own anyone or anything. I DON’T own the characters. The fanfic is written for fun, NOT for profit.

The first hints of the early morning sun woke him from another hour of more or less restful slumber. The past night had been interrupted by Nasir’s nightmares on more than one occasion. Agron had felt the man’s shame and guilt at waking him up, again and again. He had tried his best to erase worries from mind, wasn’t sure if he had succeeded though.

Rolling over, he noticed with satisfaction that Nasir was still asleep. Carefully inching closer, Agron allowed himself a moment to study the man. Seeing him like this wouldn’t give away that only hours ago, he had woken up screaming in fear, trying to fight off loving hands until he had remembered where he was.

The memories caused his chest to tighten with rage and pain again. Agron was glad he didn’t remember all the details of what Ashur, Nasir’s ex-boyfriend, had done to him. He was disgusted by what he knew already, and was sure ever meeting the man wouldn’t end peacefully.

Not that he would share such thoughts with the little man. The fact his past had come back to haunt him was bad enough. He didn’t want Nasir to worry that he could get involved in problems thanks to revenge on his behalf.

Agron watched the sleeping man for a while, silently admiring what he saw until he felt his cheeks redden softly with realisation. Who was he trying to fool? At least since last night, it was obvious that he cared. Deeply. There was also no way to deny he was attracted to Nasir. How could he not, he thought? His little man was beautiful, in a way that made him shiver when he smiled or cast certain looks in his direction. Memories could be lost. Same didn’t count for feelings obviously.

Reaching out, he brushed his fingertips along Nasir’s jawline, over his smooth cheek. He stirred slightly, but didn’t wake up. Fortunately, Agron thought. After such a restless, frightening night, he deserved every minute of sleep he could catch. As carefully as possible, he moved towards the edge of the bed then and got up. He headed for the living room, remembering the broken mug that still had to be picked up, just to realise it wasn’t there anymore.

“Morning, Bruder.”

Physically jumping at the unexpected third person in the apartment, Agron spun around. He found himself facing a smirking Duro, carelessly resting on the living room couch as if he owned the place.

“Dammit, man!” he couldn’t help but curse. “You keep on sneaking up on us like that?”

Duro chuckled. “Me, sneaking up on who? I have a key.”

“Certainly not to…” Agron sighed. After the past night, he didn’t have the energy to argue with his brother. More and more, he started to understand what kind of a relationship the two of them had, and he couldn’t help the feeling that he was to blame for it. “Whatever.”

Sighing again, he headed into the kitchen. Coffee was desperately needed. The hint of a smile tug at the corners of his mouth as he realised that at least, his brother had made himself useful already.

“You look a little tired, man,” Duro’s teasing voice added then. “Got too much action last night?” Agron was rewarded with a chuckle as he groaned in annoyance.

“Not the kind of action you might have in mind right now,” he said, with a glare. At the questioning look he received in return, he added, “Nasir had a rather restless night. I made sure he didn’t have to deal with it on his own.”

“Oh, so nightmares then?” Duro’s face turned serious, almost making him appear like a whole new person. “Memories are coming back?”

Agron winced as guilt struck him. “I shouldn’t have asked him about what happened back then. Maybe that sparked something.”

“Nah, I don’t think so.” Duro shook his head. “It’s normal. Just ‘cause some time passed doesn’t mean the past’s forgotten, or that you’re okay with it. Nightmares can always come back, even after years. Doesn’t mean anything has to spark them. It’s not the first time since you got together that it happened. I know what I’m talking about.” For a moment, he looked like he wanted to add more, but changed his mind quickly. With a deep sigh, he got up. “And message was received. Guess I’m not exactly what he’ll be looking forward to when he gets up. I’ll see you later, bro.”

“Yeah...see you,” Agron added, making a confused face as his brother left without further notice. Would he ever understand the man? Probably not. Shrugging off the odd behaviour, he turned his attention to the steaming mug of coffee in front of him then. Maybe the dark liquid would provide some extra energy which was needed after a night like this.

He had emptied half of said mug as he caught the sound of footsteps approaching. A moment later, a still sleepy Nasir appeared in the kitchen, discomfort radiating from him in a way that made Agron speechless for a moment. Was he seriously still feeling guilty for interrupting his sleep?

“Morning,” he chose to greet him, deciding not to address the behaviour for now. “Want some coffee? Duro was around earlier. He made it. I don’t know if that says anything about the quality, but so far, it’s been okay.”

“He was here?” Nasir asked surprised. “What time is it?” With huge eyes, he stared at the kitchen clock. “Oh shit!”

“Calm down,” Agron said, rounding the table to grab the man’s arm and prevent him from storming off again. “You won’t have to work today. I called Mira earlier. Said you wouldn’t come in today. She’ll go to your studio and cancel appointments if there are any.” At Nasir’s confused, shocked expression, he added, “I said you weren’t well. Ate something wrong. Plus all the taking care of me has worn you out. She didn’t question any further.” He raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you’re such a workaholic that you’re gonna go anyway.”

Shaking his head, Nasir sank back into his chair. He looked even more embarrassed now, much to Agron’s dislike. Wordlessly, he prepared a mug of coffee for the little man, but by the time he placed it in front of Nasir, he couldn’t keep quiet any longer.

“There’s no need to feel that way, you know?” he said softly. “I meant everything I said last night. I’m here, I’m gonna help you with this. Look at how much you took care of me during the past few weeks. This isn’t a one-sided thing, okay?” He paused, guilt returning once more. “I’m sorry if I triggered this with asking about what happened.”

Nasir looked up in surprise. “No, you didn’t. It just happens at times. Can’t really foresee it. One shitty dream and all the crap comes back.” Lowering his gaze, he stared into his mug.

Agron watched him for a moment, once more struggling with aching pain and blazing rage, fighting for dominance deep within him. “When have you seen your therapist for the last time?” he wanted to know.

“Um...it’s been a while.” Nasir shrugged, his cheeks flushing. “After what happened to you...that used up all my attention and energy. Somewhere along the line, I just forgot about going.”

“Then you should make a new appointment.”

Nasir shrugged again. “I don’t think I’m up for this.” Agron could see he wanted to add more, but the words wouldn’t get past his lips.

“What is it?” he asked. “Come on, tell me. You expect me to share my thoughts with you. Don’t you think you should do the same?”

Nasir’s eyes met his again. He frowned before he sighed deeply in surrender. “Fine. I don’t really wanna go...on my own.” He hesitated. “I said you joined me a few times. That wasn’t entirely true. You went with me every time. You didn’t always go in with me, but…”

“In case you needed something, I was always just a door away,” Agron assumed. The nod in response proved his theory right. “Well, where’s the problem then? I’ll go with you again. It’s not like I’m busy here. I’m not allowed to go back to work yet.”

Nasir stared at him with huge eyes. “You don’t have to do that.”

Agron couldn’t suppress a groan at those words. “Okay, will you just stop? Yeah, I’m the one with the amnesia. Doesn’t mean you constantly have to baby me and forget your own problems. I’m gonna go with you.” He nodded his head towards the phone. “Now call that doctor and arrange an appointment. And then, you’ll use the day to rest and relax. Any arguments against this are invalid.”

Nasir glared back at him, couldn’t hold back a mild smile though. With satisfaction, Agron watched as the man listened to his advice. Giving and taking: it wasn’t so difficult after all.

~~~~

The day passed amazingly fast, although neither Agron nor Nasir bothered to leave the apartment. Instead, time was spent with looking through more photos and stories being told. None of those brought back even the hint of a memory for Agron, but for once, he didn’t care. Too focused he was on the fact that with every passing hour, Nasir relaxed a little more.

The past had come back to haunt him. What an irony, he couldn’t help but think. One of them wanted to get his memories back but couldn’t, while the other wanted to get rid of part of his own. So far, neither of them could do anything about the issue though, except offering comfort for the other.

Agron knew Nasir still loathed the idea of having lost his position as the comforter in their current state of relationship, and in some ways, he could relate. For him, now they were entirely equal though, which made the situation easier for him.

The sun had disappeared a while ago, leaving behind a pitch-black sky, sprinkled with sparkling stars. The city was slowly settling down again, and so was the couple inside the apartment. Eventually, they had agreed to watch a few games, but somewhere along the line, exhaustion had taken over.

And once again, Agron used his chance to watch the man by his side. One of his arms was wrapped around Nasir’s shoulders, while his head was resting against the taller man’s chest. A curtain of black hair was shielding his face as he slept.

Agron couldn’t resist. Ever so gently, he brushed the silky hair aside, exposing the soft features below. Gently and as carefully as possible, he caressed the other man’s cheek, feeling a rush of warmth within him that took him by surprise. Affection towards Nasir wasn’t new, especially not after what had happened the previous night.

How strong said affection was though...that was a different story. He didn’t just care. There was something deep within him, increasing the longer he watched. He felt the sudden urge to wrap his arms around the shorter man, to hold him close, to…

His thoughts were interrupted as Nasir tensed. His eyes fluttered open and with a mix of sleepiness and confusion, he gazed up at his partner. What a sight.

“Sorry,” Agron apologised, taken aback by the sound of his own voice. So low. Hoarse even. “I didn’t mean to wake you up. I just…”

Just what? Mentally, he cursed himself. He had assured Nasir that they were still a couple the previous night. Back then, he had only said that in relation of the strong connection which united them still. Now, so he realised, there was more to his promise than he had dared to imagine.

“Just what?” Nasir asked, as if having read his mind. Agron opened his mouth, but found himself speechless at the sight before him. The man by his side still appeared to be sleepy, but something else was showing in his eyes now. He needed a while to figure out what he was seeing.

Longing. Maybe even desire. Whatever it was, it made him shiver, in a way he had forgotten.

He didn’t know who made the choice, the first step. It just happened, as if both followed an all too natural instinct. Their lips met in the whisper of a kiss, barely touching each other. Questioning brown eyes met Agron’s, asking for permission to continue what Nasir had denied himself even to think about for far too long. In a silent agreement, they kissed again, exploring this time, parting lips, allowing tongues access. The exchanged kisses stayed slow and sweet, yet they provided a cocktail of feelings that caused minds to spin.

By the time they parted again, Agron wondered if he had just imagine their actions, if he was asleep and dreaming as well. But as his eyes met the gaze of Nasir again, he knew such experiences couldn’t be made up by one’s mind. Neither of them spoke a word as they looked at each other, so close, so caught up in the magic of the moment. And nothing else mattered.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Memories of Home  
> Summary: Memories are precious for a reason.  
> Characters/Pairings: Agron/Nasir  
> Rating/Warnings: NC-17  
> Word Count: 2,613  
> Disclaimer: I DON’T own anyone or anything. I DON’T own the characters. The fanfic is written for fun, NOT for profit.

It seemed like hours had passed, and yet the longing for exchanged kisses hadn’t faded. Agron found himself getting lost in the sensation, yet noticed his confusion was increasing with a spurt, too. Nasir’s lips against his felt so familiar, so natural, yet his mind still betrayed his instincts. No memories returned. Not even the hint of them.

Forcing those thoughts into a deep, dark corner of his uncooperative mind though, he tried to focus on the other sensation that had taken over. To his surprise and relief, Nasir had relaxed entirely. Nothing was left of the earlier pain, sparked by nightmares: a welcome change of events.

Heat flashed through his body like lightning as his boyfriend leaned in closer. Instinctively, Agron slid a hand into Nasir’s thick hair, keeping him in place as their kiss slowly but steadily deepened. It was a surreal experience, enjoyable and frightening at the same time.

Agron’s entire body responded as one of Nasir’s hands came to rest on his hip. He shivered as said hand slid upwards, ever so gently caressing heated skin beneath. Feelings as old as time itself started to form in the bit of his stomach: a heat that came with an almost unbearable tension.

Desire. Lust. He had completely forgotten what both felt like, and was stunned that kisses and gentle touches could already cause them in such a stunning intensity. At a loss of what to do himself, he felt his breath speeding up the more skin Nasir’s hand got to explore. Yet he couldn’t prevent himself from tensing as said hand slid downwards again. He cursed himself as his body’s reaction made his partner stop immediately.

“Are you alright?” Nasir wanted to know, pulling back enough to meet Agron’s gaze. His cheeks had reddened, his eyes glazed over. It was a sight that increased the heat in the depth of his belly, yet he couldn’t bring himself to continue where they had stopped.

“I am, yeah.” Taking a deep breath, Agron tried to get back in control over his body and mind, but at this point, said mind threatened to spiral out of control. “That was...I mean, I want...but…” He growled in anger. “Fucking amnesia.”

Nodding, Nasir backed off, much to Agron’s disapproval. He didn’t want to lose the closeness, the familiar sensation of the man’s lips against his, yet couldn’t get rid of his doubts either.

“Shit, man, I didn’t wanna make us stop,” he admitted. “It’s just that…” He tried to explain, but didn’t find the right words. Squeezing his eyes shut, he hissed in rage. That he felt out of place wasn’t new anymore. That his memory loss would affect him in such a way though had come unexpected. Shaking his head, he buried his face in his hands, unable to make his spinning thoughts stop.

It was the gentle touch of a hand on his shoulder that eventually managed to ground him again. The hand stayed in its place, not moving, not doing anything but resting there in silent comfort until he believed he was able to face the man by his side again. As he looked up, Nasir’s expression had changed once more. Nothing indicated that he minded the sudden interruption of whatever magical moment had occurred between them. Patiently, he waited for an explanation which he knew would eventually come.

“I wanted this,” Agron eventually said. “I mean...this tension between us has been there pretty much all the time, hasn’t it? Guess that’s at least one of the things that hasn’t been erased by this fucking memory loss. But...the shitty thing is, I don’t remember...anything. Kissing you felt familiar, but kissing itself is like I’ve never done it before. Same counts for...everything else.” His voice trailed off in shame. He shook his head. As his eyes met Nasir’s again though, he was greeted by nothing else but an understanding look.

“That’s normal, don’t you think?” He gave the taller man’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “There’s a reason why we keep saying you should take one step after the other. I was already surprised you said you still consider us to be in a relationship. All this might feel familiar to you, but that doesn’t change you’ve forgotten what it’s like.” Pausing, he leaned closer. “Was the kissing okay to you?”

Agron nodded. “Yeah, absolutely. Would have stopped us otherwise, right?”

“And the touching?”

“Fine, too.” Agron nodded to emphasize his words. Fine was an understatement, he thought in remembrance of the sensations that had temporarily taken hold of him.

Nasir smiled warmly. “Then that’s it for now. The rest comes with the time. There’s nothing wrong with telling me to stop when it’s getting too much too fast.”

Agron snorted in disbelief. “And here I thought you were the one with the shitty ex-boyfriend history who’d decide which lines not to cross.”

He received an eyeroll in response. “Returning memories or not, I’d never mind your touches.” Leaning in, Nasir placed a loving kiss to his temple. “Relax now. It’s hard, I get that, but it’s what I’ve been talking about. You gotta ask for help, stop trying to pretend like everything’s normal.”

“Easier said than done,” Agron muttered. “It’s not exactly nice to feel so helpless, so…”

“Vulnerable?” Nasir asked. “Don’t you think I know what that’s like?” He paused again, sighing deeply. “I see why you got problems around the others, but don’t do it in front of me. We’ve had worse moments.”

Agron raised an eyebrow at those words. “Why do I feel like you’re not just referring to shit that involves your ex?”

Another kiss was offered to him before Nasir got up. “Let’s discuss that another time, okay? We’re both tired. Why don’t we go to bed? For sleeping of course.”

“Of course.” It was Agron’s turn to roll his eyes. Thoughts were still spiralling in his mind, creating an overwhelming tornado of confusion. Nasir’s reassuring words had eased some of his worries though. There was more he wanted to say, but knew the man in front of him didn’t want to hear anything of it. Just then, he yawned as tiredness made itself known again.

“Ask questions in the morning,” Nasir encouraged him, once more seemingly having read his mind. Sighing again, Agron took the offered hand, deciding that he could still deal with his confusion and the events of the night when he was more awake.

~~~~

By the time Agron woke up the following morning, he found his mind surprisingly at ease with himself and the world. He couldn’t deny a mild mix of anger and embarrassment, caused by his actions and reactions of the previous night. The way his mind acted at times scared him almost as much as the memory loss itself. He had felt so close to spiralling out of control, unable to understand his own feelings anymore.

Fortunately, it had been due to Nasir’s patience with him that Agron had managed to settle down. Sleep had given him the much needed rest that allowed him to focus again in the morning. Things by far weren’t as confusing as they had seemed to be hours ago.

Lying with his eyes close, Agron paid attention to his own steady breathing, enjoying the calmth that had settled deep within him again. He still hated to be vulnerable, even around Nasir, but knew there wasn’t much he could do to stop it at the moment. Those moments of utter discomfort would return, he would feel like he was about to lose his mind again.

For now, that wasn’t anything he wanted to deal with though. Panic had eased. Things would work out okay. At least there was someone by his side who had the patience to handle his behaviour.

He was about to drift off into another mild slumber as another sensation awoke him fully instead. Feather-lightly, fingertips brushed along his jawline, down the length of his neck. Said fingers were closely followed by warm, equally gentle lips. The heat he had experienced the night before returned with a force that almost drew a moan from his lips. Biting his tongue, Agron prevented the sound from slipping him, but couldn’t contain the shiver that went through his entire body.

“Good morning,” Nasir’s amused voice whispered into his ear then, before his lips started another trail of warm kisses, along the shell of his ear this time.

“Am I gonna be woken up like that every morning from now on?” Agron wanted to know, opening his eyes just enough to see the man by his side. A smile of his own lit his face at the look he received in response, growing the longer he watched his partner.

“Maybe.” Tilting his head to the side, Nasir added, “I like that smile. What’s it about?”

“You got no idea?” Agron lifted his hand, gently brushing a strand of hair out of Nasir’s face to tug it behind his ear. “I do remember what you looked like when you got up yesterday. Almost like a totally different man. As if there’ve been no nightmares, no bad memories…”

Nasir mirrored his smile. “You always had a comforting effect on me.” Leaning in, he brushed his lips over Agron’s in the whisper of a kiss. “Still feels like I’m dreaming though. Seems like you’re given back to me bit by bit.” His face turned serious again as he added, “Are you sure about this though? I was honest when I said I was surprised you considered us still to be a couple. You’re still you for me, but I…”

“You’re not a stranger to me, if that’s what you’re trying to say,” Agron interrupted. “I said you’re familiar, right? I am sure, just...let’s stick to your plan. One step after the other, unless my memories suddenly are kind enough to fucking return.”

Nasir chuckled. “Keep saying that, maybe that’ll eventually spark something.” They kissed again, a little longer, a little more heated. The longer he was awake though, the more questions returned to Agron’s mind. There was still so much he wanted to know and as they parted again, he used his chance.

“What did you mean when you said we had worse moments?” he chose to ask first. “When did I have those vulnerable moments around you before?”

Sighing in disapproval, Nasir shook his head. “Why are you so determined to find out about all the not so nice stories, huh? Shouldn’t you be longing to learn more about the nice stuff?”

Agron rolled his eyes. “I might have lost my memories, but I do know the world isn’t always bright and shiny, okay? Like I said, the bad stories are part of me, too. Besides…” He hesitated. “If there’s stuff all of you know but I don’t...can’t you imagine that makes me feel awkward?”

“Of course it does.” Nasir’s expression softened. Reaching out, he ran a hand through his boyfriend’s hair. “Well, you grew up in an orphanage, and that place wasn’t a good one. You guys went through quite a lot back then. But I’m still not gonna say more. There’s enough for you to deal with at the moment. Take care of that first. I didn’t forget how overwhelmed you got last night, just because you were dealing with too much at once. That shouldn’t happen more often than necessary, don’t you think?”

Agron raised his eyebrows in surprise at the unexpectedly firm tone in Nasir’s voice the longer he spoke. “That’s not really a topic you like, huh?”

“No.” Nasir paused, needing a moment to gather his thoughts. “Your stubbornness really can drive one crazy, you know? It’s always been like that. You wanna be the tough one, dealing with all shit no matter what others think. You wanna protect everyone around you, but when it comes to your struggling? You won’t listen to advice. You have any idea how long it took you until you stopped denying comfort? I kinda had to force my help on you at the beginning. So yeah, don’t blame me for trying to start this easy. There’s enough for you to deal with, and helping you through this time isn’t exactly easy, with such a stubborn mind as yours.”

As much as he hated to admit it, Agron couldn’t deny he understood Nasir’s reasons. He had been relieved to see Nasir accepting his comfort during the night bad memories had kept him awake, and during the following day. He could only imagine what it would have been like to be shoved aside, being told that everything was fine while it clearly was not.

“Being a little too protective isn’t such a bad thing though, is it?” he asked then.

Nasir shrugged. “Depends. I got used to your behaviour. I know how to handle you. Others though…” His voice trailed off.

Agron sighed. “Am I not allowed to know that either?”

He received a mild glare in response. Before he could add more though, Nasir answered, “Duro’s got quite a problem with it. You’ve always made it your personal mission to protect him. No one was allowed to get close to him, if he was harmed, you’d beat the shit out of whoever dared to hurt him. You made sure he’d never have to suffer, never be alone. You even gave him the key to our place, just in case he needed something. Resulted in Duro being so used to your protection that he forgot somehow that you’re just human, too.”

“Meaning?”

“Well.” Nasir hesitated once more. “When you had that accident, it almost destroyed him. He was so used to his strong, protective brother that he never considered you could actually get hurt, too. The first day, when you were still in coma, he sat outside your room, staring at the door, responding to no one. You could talk to him, shout at him, shake him...he wouldn’t react. They had to give him meds eventually because he wouldn’t get over his shock.” He shook his head. “What do you think why he keeps showing up here every day? He’s his normal smiling, annoying self, but that’s all because he’s still not over it. He wants to check if you’re okay. If you’re anywhere close to remembering him yet. I’m not the only one whose heart was torn apart when this happened.” He looked guilty as he added, “By the gods, I’m not saying this to make you feel responsible for his break down, okay? I just want you to understand that we do care, too. You can’t expect us to accept that you take care of us all the fucking time while you deny yourself the right to be a human being with feelings as well.”

Agron nodded slowly in response. Even if he had wanted to offer a vocal answer, he doubted he would have find the right words, or that his voice would have cooperate. The idea that Duro came around because of concern rather than to annoy his older brother hadn’t even come to his mind. Nasir’s words made sense though. Everyone was obviously used to a strong, undestroyable version of him, and even now, he was refusing to let go of the image.

“Fine,” he said then. “So what do you say? I’ll try to listen and to accept help.”

“That’s a start.” Nasir nodded satisfied, rewarding Agron with another warm smile. Just as they inched closer for another kiss, noises, coming from the kitchen, interrupted them again. The couple exchanged a knowing glance. Thanks to his intentions, Duro’s random visits might not be so unwelcome after all.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Memories of Home  
> Summary: Memories are precious for a reason.  
> Characters/Pairings: Agron/Nasir  
> Rating/Warnings: NC-17  
> Word Count: 2,170  
> Disclaimer: I DON’T own anyone or anything. I DON’T own the characters. The fanfic is written for fun, NOT for profit.

Facing Duro without revealing what Nasir had shared with him earlier wasn’t an easy task. He found himself confronted with the limits his constant situation brought with it. So far, Agron could only judge his surroundings by past weeks’ experiences and by stories shared with him. There was so much left in the dark, so much others knew which he didn’t. Once again, he was reminded of the fact that he was a stranger in his own world: a thought that didn’t do much to ease his discomfort and problem of dealing with the current circumstances.

“You gotta admit it,” Duro said, grinning at the two men before him, seated at the other side of the kitchen counter. “My coffee is the best. If I didn’t come around to make it for you, you’d seriously miss it. Hell, I’m surprised you didn’t ask me to move in with you yet.”

“I don’t really see where the difference would be,” Nasir stated with a smirk. Getting up from his barstool, he added, “I gotta go. The studio’s not gonna run itself on its own. See you in a bit. Feel free to come around and pay me a visit.”

He leaned in for a kiss, which Agron granted him without a second thought. A smirk of his own lit his face at the thought. He wasn’t surprised by Nasir’s fear that things might feel rushed to him. After all, they had come far within the past couple of weeks. Nothing felt rushed to him though: the progresses between them seemed to move in a natural pace, at least for them. One thing that was not complicated or awkward, after all.

Nasir had already left when Agron lifted his gaze, meeting the surprised one of his brother. “What’s the staring about?”

“Um...hello?” Duro rolled his eyes. “You really gotta ask that? If I’m not mistaken, you just kissed the man.”

“Well, technically, he kissed me,” Agron stated, his former smirk growing into a teasing grin. Two could play this game, he thought, pleased with himself as Duro glared back at him. “Yeah, we did kiss. Where’s the problem?”

“I didn’t say there was one.” Duro groaned. “But...since when? I mean, do you…” His widened. “Nah, don’t tell me your memories are back.”

“They’re not.”

“Then I’m lost.”

Agron chuckled. After all the teasing he had received ever since he had woken up weeks ago, he thought payback was only fair. “I don’t know what it is with the both of us,” he said then. “I know our friends longer than him, yet it’s Nasir who feels so familiar to me. It’s like...I lost the memories, but not the feelings.” He shrugged. “Sounds stupid, doesn’t it?”

“Nah, I wouldn’t say that.” Duro shook his head. “It’s always been like that with the two of you.” With a crooked smirk, he added, “What about me though? Stranger or familiar?”

“Familiar.” Agron nodded. He tried to smile, but failed as Nasir’s earlier words pushed into his mind. Rubbing the back of his neck, he tried to come up with more to say to overplay his reaction, but knew every attempt would be senseless as Duro raised his eyebrows at him.

“What’s that look about?” his brother wanted to know.

For a second, Agron considered to lie, but quickly erased the thought from mind. If he demanded honesty, he should give it as well.

“Nasir told me how you reacted to...what happened,” he chose to say eventually.

Duro’s cheeks flushed bright red in an instant. “Yeah...well, that wasn’t exactly my strongest moment.”

“You know, there’s no need to play it cool,” Agron said softly, not missing the glints of pain in his brother’s eyes. It was Duro’s turn to offer a faked smile, which didn’t last long.

“I don’t know, I guess I just didn’t see that coming.” He shrugged helplessly. “See...for all my life, it was always you taking care of me. It’s stupid, but...I never thought anything could ever happen to you. Naive, huh?” His voice trailed off and he lowered his gaze as he swallowed hard. “Ich liebe dich, Bruder. More than anything else in this damn world. You’re everything I have. Then, all of the sudden you get hurt and all I can do is sit by your side, praying you’d wake up again. I did that every day. I pleaded with the gods above to give you back to me. But when you finally woke up...you didn’t even know my face. You forgot who I was. There you were, looking at me, but still I didn’t have my brother back.”

At this point, the first tears had started to fall. Agron barely noticed how he moved closer, acting on instinct as he wrapped an arm around his younger brother’s shoulders. It was painful to see the cheery man breaking down like that, allowing his real emotions to show. It was this moment that made him realise how strong the bond between them had to be. His protective side kicked in, and he wanted nothing else but to erase Duro’s pain, assuring him that everything was alright.

“I didn’t forget who you are,” he said after a while, allowing the younger man to let out what he had tried to hide so badly during the past couple of weeks. “It’s kinda like things are with Nasir. I might not have the memories of what we went through together, but I do know for a fact that you’re my brother. I feel the connection. I know how much you mean to me. There’s no doubt about that.” Gently, he squeezed Duro’s shoulder. “Alles ist gut. Ich hab dich lieb, Bruder.”

Looking up with still teary eyes, Duro smiled relieved before he pulled his brother into a tight embrace, almost desperately clinging to him. They held on to each other for a moment before Agron pulled back again.

“You’re alright again?”

Duro nodded. “Yeah. Guess I just needed to let that out finally.” He chuckled. “Don’t tell the others I cried though.”

“Nah, never would ruin your reputation.” Agron winked at him.

Duro glared playfully. Wiping away the last few tears, he said, “So, you...um...won’t mind me coming around sometimes? To see if you’re okay? And if the memories are back? I promise I won’t walk in on the both of you. You know, in case things start to heat up again.”

Chuckling at those words, Agron shook his head. “I don’t mind at all,” he assured him warmly. “Guess I understand now why I gave that key to you.”

He received a bright smile in response. It was this moment that he knew even if the younger man annoyed him at times, he would never hesitate to welcome him home.

~~~~

Even though memories hadn’t returned yet, Agron was grateful to realise that at least with those two people closest to him, relationships had improved hugely. Duro and Nasir were no longer strangers to him. Every time he met their gazes, he could see relief and hope, the determination not to give up until he had fully recovered all those lost moments.

Agron doubted those two men had any idea what increasing closeness meant to him though. Cold fear had been his constant companion for the first few days after awaking from his coma. Stranger in a world that was supposed to be familiar. He had been at a loss of what to do. Now, with Duro and Nasir by his side, he felt anchored, knowing that no matter what happened, he could always turn to them.

“Is there a reason why you’re so giddy?” Agron asked as he followed Duro into Nasir’s studio. He had wanted to visit the place for a while, and couldn’t help a knowing smirk as they entered. The studio looked the way he had imagined it: every single corner breathed ‘Nasir’.

“I’m not giddy.” Duro gave him a funny look. The way his cheeks reddened proved his words lie. Before Agron could point the fact out, Nasir appeared from the back of the studio, greeting them with a bright smile.

“Hey, you came!” With a few long steps, he crossed the room. Wrapping his arms around the taller man’s neck, he pulled Agron down into the whisper of a kiss. The soft contact was enough to make him shiver. Subconsciously, he licked his lips, tempted to pull Nasir into another kiss.

“I’ll see you next week then?” another voice interrupted then. Looking up, Agron raised his eyebrows at the stranger. Casually smiling, the man waltzed into the room, eyes fixed on the photographer.

“Sure.” Smiling back, Nasir nodded. “See you next week, Castus.”

The man’s smile widened. With a frown, Agron watched the handsome stranger until the doors closed behind him. His formerly good mood had eased slightly, joined by another, less pleasing feeling.

“Who was that?” he asked, unable to keep annoyance out of his voice.

“That was Castus,” Nasir answered. “A model. I’m working with him sometimes.”

“Quite a handsome model, huh?” He tore his eyes away from the entrance door. “What?”

Nasir shook his head at him. “You aren’t jealous, are you?” A knowing smirk was tearing at the corners of his mouth as he spoke.

“Me? Nah. I was just curious.” Agron shrugged, mentally cursing himself as his boyfriend chuckled.

“You’ve always been a bad liar,” Nasir told him with a wink. Stepping closer, he wrapped an arm around the taller man’s waist. “Relax, though. He’s just one of the models. Nice guy. Nothing else. Besides…” His smirk widened. “I already have a favourite model.”

Agron lifted his eyebrows in surprise. Before he could respond though, Duro interrupted. “Is Diona around?” he asked, the odd flush returning to his cheeks. Biting his bottom lip, Agron tried his best to contain an amused grin. Of course there had to be a reason for his brother’s giddiness.

“She’s still in the back, printing the photos,” Nasir answered, chuckling again as Duro quickly disappeared. “I wonder when he’ll finally ask her out. It’s getting hilarious.”

Agron nodded, already forgetting about his brother’s obvious crush the moment his attention returned to the man in front of him. “So, you said you got your favourite model already?” he reminded.

“Oh yeah. And if you had paid a closer look to the photos on the walls, you’d know that already.”

Letting his eyes wander, Agron understood what his boyfriend was referring to. He spotted several framed photos of himself, some in colours, some in black and white, all of them amazing artworks.

“Impressive.”

Nasir’s smirk changed into something that made him shiver again. “Those are only the ones for the public. I got a whole folder filled with them.”

“The ones for the public?” Agron followed him over to the near desk. With curiosity, he watched his boyfriend as he fished for a thick folder. His name was written across its front.

“Have a look,” Nasir offered.

Agron stepped closer. Had he been impressed by the ones on the wall, he fell speechless as he flipped through the photos. The further he went the more private they seemed to become. His eyes widened. “Nude ones, yeah?” He gave his boyfriend a suspicious look. “Your other model pose for you like that, too?”

Nasir playfully rolled his eyes at him. “Oh yes, I do a lot of private photo shoots in our bedroom. All the time, you know?” He laughed. “Don’t worry, you’re my only inspiration.”

“Only inspiration, yeah?” Agron couldn’t resist a goofy grin. He wanted to add more, but another folder caught his attention. “What’s in there?” He picked it up, reading the name on the cover. “‘Nagron’?”

“Oh, yeah. Diona wrote it on there,” Nasir said, taking the folder from him. His cheeks flushed barely noticeably. “‘Nagron’ is a combination of our names.”

“Oh? So there are photos of the two of us in there?” Agron reached for the folder again, but Nasir let it disappear behind his back. “What is it?”

“I’d say we’ll save this one for later,” Nasir said with a crooked smile. “I don’t wanna overwhelm you.”

“Overwhelm me? How?”

Nasir shrugged. “Yeah, well... Let’s just say...they’re not exactly innocent ones.” Putting the folders away again, ignoring his boyfriend’s interested stare, he added, “You’d like to see the ones I took today?”

“Of that model guy?” Agron shuddered. “Thanks, but...no, thanks. No offense.”

Laughing, Nasir sneaked his arm around the taller man’s waist again. “There are other projects I had to work on today. Come on.”

It wasn’t so much the prospect of seeing more photos but the gentle hand, resting upon his lower back, guiding him. His eyes darted back to the folder that contained pictures of himself and Nasir, and Agron felt his curiosity return. He could feel the tension growing, the bond between them strengthening. And for a moment, even lack of memories couldn’t ease the comfort he felt.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Memories of Home  
> Summary: Memories are precious for a reason.  
> Characters/Pairings: Agron/Nasir  
> Rating/Warnings: NC-17  
> Word Count: 2,603  
> Disclaimer: I DON’T own anyone or anything. I DON’T own the characters. The fanfic is written for fun, NOT for profit.

The following days, Agron experienced the possibility of enjoying something new, yet realising how familiar it felt. Nasir strictly stuck to his rule of taking things slowly. Kisses were exchanged, touches explored smooth skin, closeness strengthened the already existing bond between them more and more.

It was a shift of dynamic that had a stunning effect on him. Even though memories still firmly refused to cooperate and return, Agron found himself bothered by insecurities on fewer and fewer occasions. Distance between himself and those friends he had grown up with could still be felt, but the closeness he shared with boyfriend and brother made up for it.

A broad grin was plastered across his face as Agron made his way into Nasir’s studio with Duro. He resisted the strong urge to comment on his younger brother’s growing excitement the moment he lay eyes upon Diona. The young woman was an adorable, stunningly beautiful one: even Agron had to admit so. The shy smile she offered as Duro approached certainly added to her appeal.

Very soon, the couple-to-be was forgotten though as Nasir retreated from the back of his studio, greeting his boyfriend with a smile of his own. It was a sight that warmed his heart. He could see and feel how much pressure had been taken off his partner’s shoulders ever since they had made yet another big step towards how things had once been between them. No longer did he have to contain all displays of affection.

“Hey.” Nasir’s smile softened as he cupped his boyfriend’s cheek, pulling him down for the sweetness of a kiss. By now, Agron had gotten used to the fact that his body responded on its own accord when it came to his little Syrian. Arms wrapped around the shorter man’s waist, pulling him closer.

“Hey yourself,” he whispered back, grin managing to grow even wider. “Worked with any hot models again today?”

His words were meant to sound like a joke, but the way Nasir cocked an eyebrow at him revealed his attempt had failed. Jealousy, apparently, was a flaw he had to deal with before.

“You know who my favourite model is,” Nasir reminded him with a wink. He wanted to add more but was cut off by a yawn. Heavily leaning into his boyfriend’s chest, he sighed. “You know...as much as I love this job, I wish I could just drop everything after the photoshoots are done and head home. I’m surprised my legs are still keeping me upright.”

“Poor sweetheart.” Agron placed a loving kiss into his partner’s thick mane. His eyes fell upon the photographer’s near desk then, widening as another thought pushed its way into his mind. Biting his bottom lip, he ran a hand up and down Nasir’s back, rubbing it in soothing circles. “Guess what? You should already go home. I’ll take care of cleaning up here, lock the studio and all.”

Nasir lifted his head, surprised eyes meeting his. “You don’t have to do that. You don’t even…”

“Know what to do with all the stuff?” Agron completed for him. He chuckled. “I’d ask Diona if she could explain it to me, but I’d say she and Duro will be out of here in a minute.” Leaning in, he brushed his lips over Nasir’s in the whisper of a kiss. “Don’t worry though. I’ve watched you doing that more than enough during the past few days, haven’t I? No precious equipment will be destroyed. Promise.”

Nasir eyed him with a suspicious look. Exhaustion eventually took over though and with another yawn, he agreed to leave. Like promised, Agron took care of the now empty studio, putting away equipment that made him raise eyebrows and shake head in disbelief. He doubted he would ever understand why one would bother to pay thousands of dollars for a camera. Then again, who was he to judge? He had no idea how brilliant photos like those taken by his boyfriend came to exist.

Satisfied with himself, Agron eventually let his eyes wander through the studio. Camera and everything else that was too precious to be stolen or broken had been safely stored away. Feeling excitement tickling in the pit of his stomach, he made his way over to the desk then. For a moment, his hands stilled as he considered his next move.

Should he really do it? Nasir had told him to stay away from certain folders in there. His reasons hadn’t made sense though. Was he really betraying his boyfriend’s trust if he believed he could handle whatever he was hiding? Especially as it seemed to involve himself as well?

Screwing his concerns to hell, he pulled the drawer open and fished for the folder in question. ‘Nagron’ was written across its cover. The excitement increased with a spurt, impatience almost making him drop it. Biting his bottom lip in concentration and a lame attempt at calming himself, he flipped it open.

Agron’s mind had played with various ideas of what Nasir might be hiding from him. Reality didn’t even come close. With raised eyebrows, he stared at the pictures before him, displaying a couple that was only too familiar to him.

“Holy shit,” he breathed out as he flipped through the photos, taking his sweet time to soak in every single detail of what he could see. The reduced colouring of black and white pictures seemed to add to the tension that was radiating off of them. Before him, he saw himself and Nasir, fully exposed to the camera and each other. The way they posed together, he wondered if they had forgotten about the photographer’s presence somewhere along the line.

Swallowing hard, he didn’t bother to fight the heat that was rising deep within him, starting as a tiny flame, growing into raging fire with every passing moment, every single picture. Saying they made a beautiful couple was nothing short of an understatement. Even though one wasn’t able to see anything overly explicit, the portrayals were sizzling with erotic tension.

And somewhere, in the deep darkness of his confused mind, something started to rise. Agron couldn’t make out clear images: he felt like a blind man, catching the first blurry schemes of light for the first time after seemingly an eternity. He couldn’t see yet, but knew he would soon.

Memories. They were there. He could feel them stronger than ever. There were snapshots of lips brushing against his, of a warm body, pressed up against his, of gentle, knowing hands exploring smooth, heated skin. Snap, snap, the camera made, but neither of them cared for the distant sound, so lost in the magic of the moment.

It was all there, hidden deep within him, just waiting for the right moment to come out. Absentmindedly licking his lips, Agron ran a hand through short hair as heat increased and increased until the demand for more was taking over his mind. He finished his journey through the folder before he shoved it back into the drawer and left the studio.

~~~~

The apartment was quiet, like expected. Thin curtains were covering tall living room windows, dimming the setting sun. Quietly, Agron made his way through the now familiar place, heading straight for one room in particular.

Ever since he had felt hints of memories rising in the back of his mind, confronted with the intimate photos whoever had taken of them, Agron felt himself drawn back to his boyfriend like an invisible hand had grabbed the front of his shirt, forcefully pulling him.

He found Nasir in their bedroom, again like expected. Sprawled on his back, he looked enjoyably relaxed as sleep had claimed him. Once more licking his lips, Agron stepped closer, eyes drinking in the sight before him.

Nasir had stripped down to his boxers only, leaving most delicious inches of his tanned body uncovered. Chest was heaving and falling with every breath. Raven hair, freed of the ribbon that had held it together earlier, was spreading across thick pillows, creating a sharp contrast to white, smooth fabric.

Agron wondered how long it had taken them to get together. From what he knew, he had been involved in getting Nasir out of the brutal relationship he had been in when they had met for the first time. How long had it taken both of them to sense the tension for the first time? When had they given in to it for the first time? And what had it been like?

Once again, he didn’t need a stranger’s answer to his questions. He knew them, deep inside. Things had started slowly, tenderly. Whenever they had shared intimacy, they had taken their time with each other. Smooth and gentle. Passion took over at time: there was no doubt about that. Aggressive, rough unleash of emotions via sex was made for other couples though.

“You’re back.”

Nasir’s sleepy voice cut through Agron’s thoughts. Only now did he realise the man on the bed was gazing up at him, eyes still heavy with sleep. Gorgeous, Agron thought. Simply gorgeous.

He didn’t respond vocally as he climbed onto the bed as well. Nasir’s eyes followed every single movement, taking him in closely. For the split of a second, he appeared confused, having spotted something in his boyfriend’s eyes that was new. Then realisation started to dawn on him.

“You remembered something?” he gasped, eyes widening.

“Not in pictures,” Agron whispered back, never taking his eyes off the man before him. He could see Nasir wanted to add more, but swallowed down the words. His eyes darkened as understanding hit him once more. Reading each other through gestures and expressions seemed to be another gift they shared.

No more words were spoken as Agron inched closer. Their eyes stayed locked in a gaze that could have inflamed the surrounding world, if it had mattered at all to them at this point. He was barely aware of his actions as his hand lifted, as his fingers brushed along Nasir’s jawline. They worked on their own account, driven by instincts only.

Slowly, inch by inch, fingertips brushed over sleep-warmed skin, feeling how tight muscles fluttered at the whisper of attention they were receiving. Nasir lay still as Agron’s fingers travelled along the length of his arms, then moved on to the expanse of his chest. He shivered as he felt them again: the memories, hidden deep within his struggling mind, demanding return. The doors were still closed, yet allowing bits and pieces to pass.

Closely, he watched as Nasir’s eyes darkened, his breathing speeding up. His body’s tales revealed the desire, rising within the man before him. Agron harboured no intentions behind his actions. Something had taken over, and he was going to follow it, to watch what would happen next.

Eyes stayed locked as his index finger trailed along the waistband of Nasir’s boxers, silently begging for entrance. Gazes didn’t leave each other as the fabric was removed: neither knew by whose hands exactly. One man fully clothed, one man fully exposed. Yet Agron felt like Nasir wasn’t the only one who was stripped naked before his eyes.

Closely, he watched as Nasir tensed the moment his hand travelled further south. He found his boyfriend’s cock half erected already, due only to gentle caresses of loving hands. His Syrian was panting now, struggling with the need to demand more. Agron didn’t need to hear the words though. He knew. Fingers wrapped around hardening flesh like he had never done anything else. The knowledge was still there, always had been.

A deep sigh escaped Nasir’s lips as his eyes fluttered shut. “Dammit, Agron,” he gasped under his breath, hands clawing at the sheets below. Eyes never leaving the other man’s face, Agron allowed his instincts to continue work. Finger’s teased his lover’s length before they closed around the throbbing cock in a firm grip. Dark-lashed eyes squeezed shut more firmly as Nasir’s body tensed in pleasure. Teeth gritted and failed to contain the pleasured moans that demanded exit.

Just like that. 

Agron believed he could almost count all those times he had seen Nasir like this in the past: twisting, sighing and groaning as he lost himself in the sensations that were flashing through his body. He was a sight to remember, stunningly beautiful with flushed cheeks, wild hair, dark eyes and parted, full lips. Biting his bottom lip once more, Agron resisted the urge to force his mind into showing the images that came with the memories. What an odd way to remember. But he knew for now, he couldn’t ask for more.

He didn’t need to either. The heat deep within him, pulsing in the pit of his stomach as tension coiled and coiled with every touch, every stroke, was enough. A first step.

“Agron…” Nasir whimpered, head pressed tightly into the white pillow below. A curl of raven hair stuck to his forehead and cheek as he pleaded without words for much needed completion. Unable to resist any longer, Agron leaned in, silencing his man’s sighs and moans with a loving kiss. It was returned with a hunger and passion that took him off guard for a moment. Another rough stroke and he felt the other man tense beneath him. He swallowed his lover’s pleasured cry, kissed him through the spasms of the orgasm that rocked his body. He continued to stroke until the cock in his hand grew soft again before his hand travelled across sweaty stomach and chest.

Agron couldn’t tell for how long they remained like this, exchanging a mix of heated and lazy kisses. By the time they parted in need of air, he found himself locking eyes with Nasir once again. Still dark with lust, they stared up at him questioningly. Agron couldn’t resist a smirk at the sight.

“I looked into the folder,” he admitted.

Nasir needed another moment until surprise and confusion made space for understanding. “So?” he chose to ask.

Agron’s smile softened. “Seeing us like that brought something back. Don’t ask me what. I can’t explain it. I still don’t...see the memories, you know? But still they’re there. In an odd way.” He sighed. “Doesn’t make sense, does it?”

“I understand though.” Nasir’s eyes had widened. Darkness of desire was joined by something warmer, much softer. “You’re starting to remember. Almost seems like a dream coming true.” He paused. “And that...whatever you remembered led you right to me? Made you do...this?”

“Obviously.”

Nasir raised an eyebrow at him. “But I thought you weren’t ready for more than kisses and touches yet.”

Shrugging, Agron offered a crooked grin. “Technically, I did nothing else.” He chuckled at the look he received in response. “Don’t try to understand me. I don’t even get myself. All I know is that I want you. In all possible ways. I’m still overwhelmed by all this, but...I can’t get enough of this either. Of being close to you.”

Nasir nodded slowly. He gazed ahead at nothing in particular for a while until he looked up again. “Well, there are like a million ways to be close,” he said. “All of them have been explored by us, I’d say. Let’s see how many of them will spark some kind of memory.” He leaned in for another kiss. “You’d mind if I returned the favour some time soon?”

“Guess I’d be crazy if I did.”

With a growing grin, Agron pulled Nasir closer, allowing the naked man to snuggle into him. Who knew where the tension would lead them next, and which memories might come with it?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Memories of Home  
> Summary: Memories are precious for a reason.  
> Characters/Pairings: Agron/Nasir  
> Rating/Warnings: NC-17  
> Word Count: 2,531  
> Disclaimer: I DON’T own anyone or anything. I DON’T own the characters. The fanfic is written for fun, NOT for profit.

The week passed like some kind of surreal dream. With every moment he spent by the side of his boyfriend, Agron understood more and more why he had fallen so madly in love with Nasir. Those feelings made him crave his lost memories all the more as he wished to remember the intimate moments that were so essential to every couple. Meanwhile, he didn’t allow said craving to upset him any longer. What they had now was amazing enough. Nothing was allowed to mess with that.

The bliss of being in love. Agron was sure he had to look like a goof with the constant smile spreading across his face. It seemed to make Nasir happy though, so he wore it with pride. Same counted for the marks they had started to leave upon each other’s skin. The moment he had discovered how much he was still desiring his boyfriend had unleashed something between them. Keeping their hands off each other had turned into an impossible task by now.

His eyes fluttered shut as Agron sank his teeth into his lower lip, feeling like his body was set on fire. Nasir was playing unfair, he thought whenever his beautiful lover laid hands upon him. He was clearly in advantage, perfectly remembering everything his man was into, knowing which buttons to push to get a maximum effect. Agron, meanwhile, still had to learn, although he was doing a magnificent job according to his boyfriend.

“Gods, Nasir!” he moaned as his beloved kissed a feather-light trail along his inner thighs. His mind was spinning already and the gentle yet firm hand that was wrapped around his achingly hard cock didn’t make it any easier to stay in control over himself. He wanted his partner, all over himself if possible. In fact, he wanted to grab him, push him into the mattress and fuck his little man until he was crying out his name in utter satisfaction. The idea itself was almost enough to make him come right then and there. “Fucking tease!”

Agron could feel Nasir’s chuckle almost more than he heard it as the man rubbed his stubbled cheek against his thigh. He barely registered how one of his hands let go of soft sheets beneath him and instead slid into long, loose curls of raven hair. Preparing to beg for more, Agron was convinced that Nasir would let him suffer until he would go mad. His eyes flew open in shocked surprise as his lover went for a different plan instead.

“Holy shit!” he exclaimed as warm lips closed around the sensitive, leaking head of his cock. Words failed him as his lover’s tongue greeted him, circling his length as that devilish mouth took him in further and further.

Forcing his eyes open, Agron regretted the decision immediately at the sight before him. Nasir was the definition of a sinful picture with those full lips wrapped around his erection, with those brown eyes that had darkened with desire, with messed up black curls framing his beautiful face. In awe, he watched his dick disappear as his lover took him in as deep as possible before releasing him again in a torturously slow rhythm. The tongue was no longer teasing him but pressing against the underside of his length, creating a narrow channel that greeted him with a heat aiming right for his core.

“Fuck! You’re gonna make me lose my mind,” Agron grunted, chest heaving and falling with every deep breath. He squeezed his eyes shut again, unable to take the erotic sight of his eager lover any longer.

Just in time. His entire body grew tense, his head pressed back into soft pillows as his mouth fell open in a silent cry the moment Nasir chose to speed up his ministration. Agron was convinced he would eventually drown in the sensations the man caused deep within him. Wave upon wave of delicious heat flooded through his sensitive body, bringing him closer and closer to the edge.

“Nasir…” he sighed, hand tightening its grip on the silky strands of hair. “Babe, I’m gonna come. Gods, come on…” He pulled again, signalling his lover to back off, but instead of obliging, Nasir swatted the hand away. He doubled his effort and before Agron got the chance to protest, the primal need within him took over. A guttural groan echoed from the walls of their bedroom as his back arched off the bed and he shot his load into the warm mouth of his lover. Nasir took it all, almost tenderly sucking and licking until Agron was left shuddering in the aftermaths of his release.

Panting heavily, he lay sprawled across now sweat-soaked sheets, entirely satisfied with himself and the world. It was strange how familiar this experience had been, and once again he found the faint hints of memories pushing their way into his mind. He still couldn’t make out any images, not even blurry ones, but knowing the memories were there, demanding to exit whatever deep, dark corner they were currently locked in was a soothing thought.

A lazy smile lit his face as he felt how Nasir kissed his way up Agron’s stomach and chest. Even through his sex-clouded mind he was aware of the loving brushes of lips against skin. Eagerly he kissed back as those lips found his. How could he ever get enough of this man?

“You know,” Agron whispered as they parted just enough to catch much needed air. “I’m sure Diona wouldn’t mind running the studio on her own for a day.”

Nasir’s responding smile made him shiver. “I’m sure she wouldn’t,” he agreed, lovingly running the back of his fingers over his cheek. “Then again, I’ve already done that yesterday. And the day before that.”

Chuckling, Agron wrapped his arms around his lover’s slender form, holding him close. He shivered again as bare skin brushed against his still heated body. “Yeah, maybe we should actually leave the apartment for once.” He frowned as a sudden thought pushed its way into his mind then. “Did I miss something or hasn’t Duro been around for the past few days? Odd, huh? Since I’ve been out of hospital, he’s come to see us at least once a day.”

Nasir nodded slowly. His smile had disappeared as he asked, “Are you worried?”

“Should I?”

His boyfriend shrugged. “Why don’t you call him? Maybe he’s been busy.” Leaning in, he gave Agron another peck to the lips. “I’m gonna get ready for work, you call your brother.”

Another kiss was exchanged, but even though the taste of Nasir’s lips was as addictive as ever, Agron didn’t find himself getting lost in the sensation this time. Something he couldn’t quite define was bugging him, distracting him. He was out of bed before his boyfriend had managed to enter the bathroom.

~~~~

Duro didn’t pick up. If he was honest to himself, Agron hadn’t expected him to. By now, he knew what had been bugging him earlier. He was worried and the fact that Nasir didn’t try to erase the idea of something being wrong from his mind right away only served to increase his suspicion.

“You don’t have to go with me,” he said as he drove his car through the city of Wellington. Morning traffic resulted in several unwelcomed stops. The delay frustrated him while his concern was pushed to a nerve-wracking point. No exact scenarios had found their way into his mind yet, but the fear itself was bad enough. “Damn, are those fuckers that incapable of driving?” Forcefully, he pressed the car’s honk, gritting his teeth.

Nasir sighed. “Agron, I’m sure he’s okay. Don’t work yourself up like that.”

He snorted. “No? Then tell me…aren’t you worried yourself? ‘Cause that look in your eyes makes me pretty damn sure you are.” He sighed himself as his eyes met Nasir’s. “Sorry. I just…I can’t help the feeling that something’s wrong, and you’re not exactly talking me out of that idea either. You’re hiding something again, aren’t you?”

Rubbing the back of his neck in an awkward gesture, Nasir shrugged. “Listen…Agron, I don’t want you to get all riled up if it’s possibly nothing.”

“But it could be something?” He shook his head, taking a deep breath to force down the tension that was growing stronger with every passing moment. He didn’t bother to add more and was almost glad he didn’t receive an answer. Something was wrong. He could feel it, and Nasir knew it. Agron couldn’t blame his boyfriend for his attempt at not making things worse.

Still, anger was rising in the depth of his chest, its heat making him clench his hands around the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. He wasn’t mad at Nasir, who refused to voice his thoughts. He wasn’t even mad at Duro, who wouldn’t answer his phone. His anger was directed at himself, for not remembering whatever it was that had gone wrong before and was to blame for the fear that was urging him on.

Only another few blocks lay between him and his brother’s apartment as Nasir suddenly grabbed his arm. “Look,” he said with a nod towards his side of the road. Slowing down the car, Agron peered through the window, needing a moment to see whatever Nasir had spotted.

He brought the car to a brutal stop as his eyes found what his boyfriend was pointing at. Blindly, he got out of the driver’s seat, not bothering to turn off the engine or watch out for other drivers as he hurried across the road. There, almost hidden by a couple of trees parked the familiar car of his brother. It wasn’t said vehicle that had caught his attention though but the man sitting inside, along with what looked like half of his apartment’s content.

“Duro?” Agron pulled the door on the driver’s side open, in disbelief staring down at the man before him. He could have easily been facing a wholly different person - nothing was left of the smiling, teasing man who had greeted him on a daily basis since his release from hospital weeks ago. His brother peered up at him through heavily lidded eyes, face pale, hair a sticky mess. He smelled disgustingly of alcohol and unwashed clothes. The sight hit him like a blow to the face, yet seemed disturbingly familiar. He could feel faint memories rising in the back of his mind again as he stepped closer. “What the hell happened to you?”

Guilt struck him as Duro tried to gaze at him properly. He looked like a homeless, not having washed or redressed himself for days. The car was filled with empty packages of food and bottles of what certainly hadn’t been water, along with bunched up clothes and other stuff that didn’t belong into a car but an apartment. An alarming suspicion made him tense and Agron felt the overwhelming urge to punch himself. While he and Nasir had gotten lost in the joy of being happily together and in love, his brother had turned into a wreck, unbeknownst to him.

“It’s only been a few days,” he whispered, more to himself than anyone else.

“Bruder,” Duro finally spoke, slurring the word as he spoke. There was no doubt alcohol was still running in his system. Instinctively, Agron turned to the man by his side, just to see Nasir’s face had turned unnaturally pale as well.

“What happened?” Agron heard himself ask again.

Duro stared up at him for another moment before his face suddenly scrunched up and tears sprang to his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Bruder,” he whimpered, head lolling back against the headrest. “I’m so sorry. I…messed up again.”

Filled with cold fear and paralysing confusion, Agron felt himself unable to react. Frantically, he tried to search his blank mind for any kind of memory that would help him understand. He wanted to scream in agony as he found nothing. He barely noticed the hand that came to rest on his arm until Nasir squeezed him gently.

“Duro, please tell us what happened to you,” his boyfriend said softly, knowing that even if he had wanted to, no words would have left Agron’s lips and after another endlessly long moment of silence, Duro started to talk.

It took them a while to understand the story behind the Duro’s unfortunate state, but eventually he managed to explain what had turned the man with the bright smile into such a mess. Agron listened in shock as he learnt that his brother had lost his job weeks ago, shortly after he had woken up from coma again. Unable to find himself a new one so quickly, he hadn’t managed to keep up with rising bills, which had resulted in the termination of his apartment a few days ago. During those past few days when he had refused to show up at his brother’s place like he used to, he had settled for living in his car, drowning fear and shame in floods of alcohol, all the time unbeknownst to his brother and friend.

Duro returned to sobbing, apologies spilling out of him in a slurred trail of words. Shaking his head in disbelief, Agron tried to regain his ability to speak. Freezing from the inside, he fought against a dull pain in the depth of his chest - a feeling that seemed so familiar, almost as old as himself. He didn’t want to know how often he had found himself confronted with such situations before, and for once understood why Nasir was so determined to keep certain parts of his past hidden from him.

Still, he couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed those changes in his brother’s life, hadn’t been aware of the problems the younger man had been struggling with. Duro had managed to put up a perfect facade to mask his concerns. Only when his life had spiralled fully out of control, he had backed off, unfortunately right the moment his older brother had been otherwise occupied. It was a realisation that shocked him to an unbearable point.

Shaking his head again, he forced his mind to clear. “Hey,” he said softly, running a hand through Duro’s messy hair to catch his sobbing brother’s attention. “Shh, it’s all good. I’m not mad. You didn’t disappoint me, Bruder. Trust me. It’s all good.” Leaning in, he wrapped a strong arm around shaking shoulders. “Come on, let’s get you out of here. Nasir and I are gonna take you home.”

“I have no home,” Duro whimpered, struggling to get out of his seat.

“You do, and you know that.” Agron tightened his grip on the crying man, giving Nasir a grateful look as he took over Duro’s other side. A short glance was exchange between the couple, but no words were needed to voice agreement. It was the calmth in his boyfriend’s eyes that eased the emotions that still threatened to overwhelm him. There was a lot he wanted to know, a lot that needed to be talked about, but for now, there was only one priority that mattered - getting Duro home, right where he belonged.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Memories of Home  
> Summary: Memories are precious for a reason.  
> Characters/Pairings: Agron/Nasir  
> Rating/Warnings: NC-17  
> Word Count: 2,036  
> Disclaimer: I DON’T own anyone or anything. I DON’T own the characters. The fanfic is written for fun, NOT for profit.

The first rush of shock had quickly been replaced by increasing emotional pain. No one spoke a word on the way home. Nasir had helped Agron to undress Duro and get him into the bed of the guest room before silently retreating, leaving some space for the German brothers. Curled up on his side, blanket wrapped around him like a cocoon, Duro looked like a child, and again Agron could feel the hints of memories rising somewhere in the back of his mind. Been there, done that.

With a barely audible sigh, he climbed into bed as well, lying down so he was facing his younger brother. Still neither of them broke the silence. There was nothing awkward about it, yet the pain that lingered between them was slowly but steadily getting close to unbearable.

“What happened?” Agron heard himself ask eventually. The way Duro’s eyes immediately broke contact hurt. Instinctively, he reached out and cupped his brother’s cheek, making sure he wouldn’t turn away completely.

“I fucked up,” Duro all but whimpered, first tears rising in his eyes. “I...They kicked me out again. Lost the apartment, too.”

“But how did that even happen?”

Duro struggled with answering right away. Guilt and hesitation flickered in his eyes. Eventually releasing a long, labored breath, he said, “When you...after the accident, when you were in coma...I really struggled with that. Couldn’t handle that to you of all people, something like this might happen. That...that you might be the one who’s not okay for once. It...wrecked me. Sorry.”

“No need for that,” Agron said softly. Gently, he brushed his brother’s cheek with his thumb, silently encouraging him to keep talking.

“As you probably know...I’m not good at hiding my feelings. Like you.” Duro swallowed hard. “So...it showed at work. I made mistakes, couldn’t really concentrate. They kicked me out shortly after you woke up. Things were better, but your memory loss still bugged me, and that pissed the boss off. So I...I tried to find a new one really quickly. But...well, yeah, not that easy, you know? So I ran short of money and…” He sighed again. “Well, lost the apartment, too.”

Shame was written all over his face at this point. Agron wanted to wipe it away, but found himself incapable of forming words. In utter shock, he stared at the younger man, chest clenching in pain. He felt a harsh pang of guilt, having a clear idea of why his brother had kept all this inside.

“You didn’t tell me because I was struggling with my own crap?” he spoke. Duro’s eyes snapped up to his.

“No, it’s not your fault!” he said quickly.

“I didn’t say anything about fault,” Agron stated softly, swallowing against the lump in his throat. He knew his guilt was irrational: he couldn’t blame himself for something he hadn’t been aware of. Then again, so he assumed, such a reaction was very much part of his character. Or the one he had been before his memories had been taken from him. A match of who felt guiltier wouldn’t lead them anywhere though.

“I could say you should’ve told me,” he said then, all the time caressing his brother’s cheek in a soothing gesture. “Because you should’ve. No matter what ever happened, you should never hesitate to come to me, especially with problems like that. Okay?” As Duro nodded hesitantly, he continued, “And you did not fuck up, Duro. Don’t you ever believe that.”

It was his turn to sigh. “Guess that’s a problem you’ve had for a while, huh? Believing you’re fucking things up.”

“‘Cause it’s what I’m doing.” The tears were flowing freely now. “Agron, I’ve been the troublemaker since I was a kid. Back in orphanage...it was always me who did stuff I shouldn’t have done. But it was always you who got punished, ‘cause you’d take all the blame and make sure I’d be safe. I...I told you not to, but you wouldn’t listen. So I was determined to do better as an adult. But…” He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut to force back the tears. “Looks like I failed at that, too.”

“You did not fail!” The words came out so quickly, so filled with determination that Agron had no doubt his old self had spoken. They had had such conversations before. “I do get it, okay? I get where those thoughts are coming from. But it’s true. Did I take the blame for you? The responsibility? Maybe. But that’s what the hell older brothers do. You’re not a failure, and you certainly don’t keep fucking up. It was a hard situation, and I can totally understand why it broke you like that.” He sighed again. “Goodness, Duro, we could spend hours talking about that. Just trust me, okay? You did not fail. I love you, and we’re gonna go through this together. It’s a challenge, and we’re gonna handle it. We always did, didn’t we? Just another bump in the road.”

Still ashamed, Duro answered, “But I drank again.” He hesitated. “You surely don’t...remember that, but I...I had some problem with alcohol in the past.”

“I already assumed that.” Agron offered a warm smile. “We’re gonna handle that, too. You, me and Nasir. Promise.” He wanted to add more but his words trailed off into nothing as something in the back of his mind pushed more firmly. Suddenly he was back in a room similar to this, together with Duro, together with Nasir. A strong warmth filled his chest: the knowledge of being part of something so strong.

“We can do this,” he said quietly. “Trust me. Now...go to sleep, okay? It’s all gonna be fine.”

Duro looked like he wanted to argue. Exhaustion finally took over though and eventually, the younger man’s eyes closed. Agron sat by his side until he was sure Duro had really fallen asleep. Then, on shaky legs, he got up and left the bedroom. In a haze, he made his way back to the living room, the lump in his throat fully present now. Nasir, sitting on the couch, looked up as he entered, watched his every step until he reached the couch.

The moment he sank down into the empty seat though, all strength seemed to leave him. Emotions took over, pain rose with a force that almost knocked all air out of his lungs. He barely noticed how two arms wrapped around him, gently drawing him closer until his head was resting against Nasir’s shoulder. The warmth and familiar scent had an instant calming effect, yet the feelings continued to demanded attention.

“He didn’t come to me ‘cause of that fucking memory loss,” he whispered eventually, blinking against the rising tears. Pain and rage. Those were so well-known to him. “He didn’t tell me ‘cause he wanted to be there for me. Hid it all so perfectly, although his whole world was spiralling out of control. I had no fucking idea. I didn’t know, Nasir! And he says he’s bad at hiding his feelings… What kind of a brother am I?”

“The best one could ever ask for,” Nasir answered without a second of hesitation. Gently drawing his fingers through his boyfriend’s short hair, he continued, “This is so much like you, Agron. To blame yourself ‘cause for once, it wasn’t you who fixed all the things. That it was Duro’s turn to hide it all from you and pretend things were fine although they were clearly not. You got any idea how many times you’ve done that in the past? And how many times you told us not to feel guilty about it ‘cause it’s what you do for the ones you love?” 

Leaning in, he placed a soft, lingering kiss upon the taller man’s forehead. “Duro did what he believed would be the right thing to do. Obviously it was not, but who are we to judge? We’d have done exactly the same thing if roles had been reversed.” Gently, he turned Agron’s face until their eyes met. “I want you to stop blaming yourself. He didn’t want you to know, that’s why you didn’t. It’s not your fucking job to read his mind. It’s all out now, so we’re gonna deal with it. We’ll be there to help him through this. You’ll be the awesome brother you’ve always been. I don’t want you to ever doubt that, okay? You’ve been like a father for him since your earliest childhood. There was never anyone who’d hold you at night and tell you there was no monster under your bed. Duro was free to experience all that. Not you. So allow him to give you something back with his attempt at putting you first. It’s what you’ve done ever since you were a little boy.”

Agron’s mind had been filled with so many things he had wanted to say, so much blame he had wanted to put on his own shoulders. But, like so many times before, it was Nasir who talked his way straight into his thoughts. Every single word of his partner made sense. He knew: neither he nor Duro was to blame. They did what had to be done in their eyes. Foolish or not.

“How could I ever get anything done before I met you?” He adjusted his position a bit until Nasir lay down by his side, facing him. Their hands stayed upon each other, keeping the close contact both of them craved so much.

“You’re a strong man, Agron,” Nasir stated with a warm smile. “Always have been. You know, at first sight you come across like the tough guy with the bad temper, all confident and strong. Many people easily fall for the ‘it’s all just show’ shit and underestimate you. Guys like Spartacus...those are seen as leaders, as capable of handling whatever life throws at them. But if you actually pay attention...you’re so much stronger than anyone else I know. You’ve had to deal with a lot of shit before, but even when you were about to lose track, you always found your way back. On your own, Agron. You lose your temper sometimes? Fine. You’re desperate because things got all complicated again? Sure. But eventually, you manage to pull through it. Me...I’m just here to make it easier. To keep you grounded. To make sure that finally, you’re not alone with all that damn responsibility. That’s all. Rather ask people where they’d be if they didn’t have a loyal, strong guy like you by their side.”

Once again, Agron found himself at a lack of words, just staring back at his boyfriend in surprise. He could see in Nasir’s eyes that every word had been absolutely honest. He did see him like that, and it touched him more than anything else he had heard in a while.

“You really do believe in me, huh?” he couldn’t help but ask.

“How could I not?” Nasir’s smile returned. “I once said that my place will forever be by your side. Why? ‘Cause it’s where I belong, and I’m proud of it. You’ve been my rock on so many occasions, and I’m happy to be yours whenever I can. Even if it just means reminding you of how much you can do. Of how tough you really are.” Leaning in, he brushed his lips against Agron’s in the whisper of a kiss. “Now, why don’t we catch some sleep as well? That whole things...guess Duro’s not the only one who’s been exhausted by all that shit. Let’s sleep, relax, and then we’re gonna deal with this.”

“Like we always do,” Agron stated.

Nasir nodded. “Exactly. Like we always do.”

With those words, he inched closer. Agron closed his arms around his partner, feeling how Nasir snuggled into him, embracing his waist. He lay awake for a while, even after his boyfriend had drifted off into a mild slumber. He couldn’t deny he was still overwhelmed, but the emotional pain had eased immensely. Things were rough, yes, in more than one way. But old confidence was rising again. They could do it. Absolutely.


End file.
